Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sore and Tired

My head is saying: Go to the gym today!

My body is saying: Go back to bed!

I am sore. To be expected. I worked muscles I've never used in the past. They're going to be sore. I move stiffly with pride today. Knowing it will get easier in the future. And when it does, I'll push myself to be sore again.
I'm also tired today. I'd love to place blame on Monkey #3; but he slept pretty good last night. I was only up with him twice. Once was for an hour. He woke up as soon as I put him back in his bed repeatly. I think he might be teething. He's always been a mommy suck; his suckiness ( <-- is that a word? It is now) has been in overdrive over the past week. He clings to me like there's no tomorrow. Thank goodness for infant carriers! I just strap him in and wear him to get things done.
My tiredness does not seam from the baby. I couldn't sleep last night. My mind was racing with my growing to-do list. It's huge right now. I could use help, but there's no one to turn to right now. Hubby is working tons of overtime right now. He has this huge job at work. He leaves for work early and comes home late. He's even earlier or later when he adds CrossFit into his long days in the city. He's on weekend two of working both Saturday and Sunday. He's expecting to work every weekend for the next four to five weeks.
Normally when Hubby is working so much, I turn to my parents. I've always been able to count on them to help me out somehow. Watching the boys, helping run an errand. They've always been there for me. Unfortunately, my mother is slowly losing her battle with cancer. It's been a 4 year fight. I'm so proud of how far she has come. She was told she would not survive her treatments 4 years ago. My mother, the fighter, shocked her team of doctors.
Her body is now giving up. She's had radiation, chemo, surgeries, gamma knife treatments and some experimental drugs. The tumour in her brain is growing at an alarming rate. There isn't anymore the doctors can do for her but try to keep her comfortable.
My dad can't leave her side. She can't do anything for herself anymore. If he's not with her, homecare is. If homecare is not scheduled to be there and dad has to leave, I go over. We've had four scares over the last three months. Each one landing her in the hospital for 3-7 days.
So I can't fall back on my usual backups.
Now to sit back, look at my long list and allow myself to say "if it doesn't get done, that's okay." Because it is! The baking I promised my mom doesn't get done today? That's okay. I'll do it tomorrow. The laundry doesn't get folded and put away? That's okay. The kids don't get fed? Just kidding. That's not on the list, and it will get done. I love my little monkeys too much.
Maybe I'll even push the list aside for today to sneak in a nap during naptime. Then I'll have no excuse about being too tired to hit the gym this evening.

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