Fail

Bike ride with the littles = Epic fail!

All the boys did was scream and cry. They weren't in the mood for a bike ride I suppose. After a 15 minute ride down the trail, I grew tired and irritated by the crying and turned our booger filled trailer around.

Now the baby is sleeping in his swing, the middle is colouring and I'm stewing. Guess it's off to clean the bathrooms so I can take my fowl mood and use it against soap scum.

Frustration

Yesterday started out so good. I was sipping my coffee, watching my monkeys all play nicely together. They looked so sweet as they all played. I was feeling very thankful for all that I have.

Flash forward a few hours later and all heck was breaking loose. The whole day just went spiraling down from there. It ended up being a horrible day. It was just one thing after the the next. Hubby ended up pushing me out the door with my gym bag; telling me to go blow off my frustration on the treadmill.And I did. I ran hard and long. I ran until my lung burned and my legs felt like jelly. I ran until I was dripping in sweat from head to toe and I was flushed bright red. I ran until I could think about was how tired I was. Then when all I could think about was how much I wanted a cookie, I brushed my teeth and did sit ups until I was ready for bed.

I woke still feeling flustered from yesterday's series of events. I've decided I'm going to do everything in my power to just let it all go; today is a new day. It's beautiful outside. Time to take advantage of it. I think after we get Monkey #1 on the school bus, the littles and I are going to go for a bike ride.

Issues.

Life. It’s beautiful; it’s complicated; it’s amazing; and it’s hard.

In all honesty, I have a rather easy life. I’m sure there are millions of people who would take my problems over their own. Still, I will struggle; I will fight; I will want to give up when I’m in the middle of a life challenge. The only way to grow is to continue. What doesn’t kill you, blah blah blah, right?

So here I sit, with my own first world problems, trying to figure out the next step. Should we move? When should we go? Do I help Dad out enough with Mom? Do I want to leave the area while she’s still hanging on to her life with all that she has? Should I continue with WW? Is it money well spent now, or wasted? Could I do this weight loss thing on my own? Am I accountable enough?

Petty problems, eh? It’s all I’m willing to share right now. And really, that’s what is on my mind the most these days. And anything relating to my mother and anything relating to my weight loss journey.  It’s getting to the point that I can’t seem to think about anything else without it circling back to those two things. Hubby came home the other day to tell me he is on the short list for a new job, in a new city, for more money. Three things he’s been working towards for a while now. We like the feel of where we live. It’s a tiny town in mid-western Ontario. The people are nice; we love how Monkey #1 seems to know everyone (he’s such a people person. People naturally gravitate towards him); we like how close we are to my parents. We love how our kids have gotten to have my parents in their lives the way that they have. Grandma and Grandpa are not those people who you see once or twice a year for my boys. Instead they’re those people who are at every soccer game, every school concert; they sing “Happy Birthday” the loudest, they go to the park; there’s weekly sleepovers, built in babysitting and random drop in’s for coffee or tea. My parents have a big role in my boys’ lives. At least, they did. Until mom got this sick. And these reasons are enough to make me toss and turn in my sleep over moving. Hubby and I want to move. We’re craving change. The thought of moving to a big city (Hello, Nation’s Capital) has us giggling with hope and anticipation; but what about mom? We would be far away from her. I couldn’t help dad as much. What if, after she passes, dad decides to stay here? He’d be all alone. No family around at all. I hate that idea. Of course, I think it would be easy to convince him to move out our way, if we end up in the city we’re looking at. We have family very close to there. His family. There are other little things about a possible move that have my mind spinning. I think I might be over thinking it all.

Lately my weight loss journey has been sitting heavy on my mind too. I haven’t been able to put my finger on what’s bugging me about it. I’m content with how I’m eating. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything (except for daily chocolate. I would love daily chocolate. But it’s a trigger food for me. I can’t have just a bite and be happy. So it’s a weekly treat instead). I’m still happy at the gym. Even on those sluggish days where I don’t want to go, I head out anyways and come back feeling much better. I’m still learning how to fuel my body correctly; I’m still learning how to work myself into shape; and I’m still enjoying it. Every week I’m weighing myself, measuring myself and watching those numbers go down. Unfortunately when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the changes. Hubby says he’s noticing big changes in my body. I see the double chin even more now. I see the big belly and super wide hips. My thunder thighs have never looked bigger. Where did my ankles go? I can kind of see them, they aren’t full on cankles, but still. Am I finally seeing what I looked like all this time? I know when I looked in the mirror before, I did not see the me everyone else saw. I saw the me I wanted to see. Has the wool finally been pulled from my eyes? Or am I seeing extra flub now? I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin right now. It’s a horrible feeling. Thankfully I know if I continue on my journey, push past this feeling, it will get better. One day I will wake up, look in that dreaded mirror and see how my hard work is paying off. It will happen; I just need to be patient. After all, the numbers don’t lie. If the scale says I’ve lost over 10 pounds. Then I did. If the tape measurer says I’ve lost x number of inches, then I did. I just have to wait to see it. Or keep my pants to prove to myself that they’re either growing or I’m shrinking.

See? Total first world problems.  

Surprised!

My last post, I complained about my bad choices throughout last week. I was no better on the weekend. I was at my parents' house on Saturday. I stayed clear of the cookies, cake and chips. I didn't have wine. But I did have a diet pop. I used to think it was okay to drink diet pop because it has 0 calories. Learning more about how to eat real foods instead of processed stuff and piles of chemicals, I've almost completely given up my beloved diet cola. I thought I would miss it, but I don't. I do enjoy it (when the bubbles don't burn my nose) a little but more now. I also ate way more steak than I should have at my parents' house. It was so good! Half my plate was meat. Half was baked potato. How bad is that?!?

Sunday, we woke up to a power outage. By the time everyone was up, dressed and ready for our day, the power was back on. Feeling too lazy to make our own coffee, Hubby and I grabbed the stroller and walked the kids over to Tim Horton's. Too lazy to make coffee; not too lazy to walk over a mile to get coffee. I think I need to be that sort of lazy more often. It was such a beautiful morning. We took the trail for part of the way. The older boys collected rocks along the way to drop off the old train bridge. 

Tim's was closed when we got there. There was a note on the door saying they would be opening in 20 minutes. We decided to hang out and wait. Hubby and I were floored with how mad people were getting because they couldn't get their precious coffee. I was more surprised over the people who couldn't wait 5 or 10 minutes and drove off in a huff. Seriously people? You'll wait 5 minutes in line for a coffee, but not 5 minutes outside the doors? When we did finally get in the doors, Hubby got our drinks and a breakfast panini for the boys to share. I took one bite. I thought it was blah. When the boys complained they were still hungry, Hubby bought them a muffin and a bagel with cream cheese for us. I love the jalapeno bagel at Tim's! 

Lunch was hot dogs from outside the grocery store. Not too great of a lunch. After our shopping, and lunch on the go, Hubby and I got antsy and we took the boys into the city. Monkey #1 was eyeing up his faves at the food court when we got to the mall. Instead of caving to fries, we went to Walmart where we picked out snacks there. Less money and less calories. By the time we were ready to head back home it was close to dinner time. We decided to pick up something to bring home. So we headed over to a nearby grocery store and grabbed subs. Not the worst thing out there, but not the greatest either. 

I thought for sure I would be up this week. I've stayed off my home scale all week. I knew I wasn't eating as well as I should have and I didn't want to see the proof. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on that scale last night. 2.6lbs down! Wow! I get my next charm for my Pandora bracelet.

(Not necessarily this one. This is the one I've been eyeing up to get in honour of my mother. A pearl because she was originally diagnosed with lung cancer; and a (faux) diamond because that's her birthstone)

Now just because I made poor decisions food wise this past week, does not mean I didn't work hard at the gym. I think I may have pushed myself harder at the gym because of my choices. I ran faster, biked harder, lifted longer; and I got the pay off. Here's to a new week; I'm already off to a good healthy start. I ate well yesterday. No gym since it was my rest day. Today's meal plans are all worked out; they're nice and healthy. And today is a gym day. I'm not looking forward to going out in the rain, but I am looking forward to getting my workout in. Never thought I would ever say that! It feels good to say that.  

Gross Feeling

Ick!
I feel gross about my food choices this week. I haven't been the on top of my game. I haven't used up all my extra points, but I've used more for junk than I like. It all started with a snack size blizzard from DQ on Monday. I told Hubby that it has to be a Monday treat. I like to get my "bad" choices out at the beginning of the week so I can behave better the rest of the week. And I only had a snack size one (instead of the large that Hubby inhaled), so I didn't feel bad about it.

Then I had an unplanned day out. I ate within my points, but I still don't feel like I did well. Then there's the corn chips I bought for the boys. I, of course, dipped into the bag myself. And that brings me to last night; we had a play date go longer than planned. At first the play date was only supposed to be after school until dinner time. The mom and I are friends who don't get to see each other often, so we ran long due to all our chatting. So she suggested we stay for dinner. Okay, sure, why not. The kids were all having fun and so was I. Her husband picked up KFC on the way home from work. Grease with a side of fat. It tasted great! I watched how much I ate; I didn't feel full, but wasn't hungry either; it left me feeling sluggish and tired. We didn't get home from our visit until 8:30. Hubby and I literally pulled the kids out of the van and tucked them into their beds.

I shrugged off feeling sluggish and tired as best as I could and hit the gym. It was tempting to just curl up on the couch with Hubby, but I'm glad I went. Yesterday was just cardio. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and then 20 minutes on the bike.

Today is a quiet day. Hubby and Monkey #1 are in Toronto for the regional CrossFit games. The littles and I are off to visit my parents after nap time. I'll be heading over to the gym tonight after everyone is home again.

Tim Horton's

I was reading some blogs this morning and noticed a common topic; or at least a mention of a common thing. Tim Horton's Iced Caps or iced coffee.

'Tis the season here in Canada, eh?

Reading about them so much has me kinda craving one now. I haven't had an iced cap in years. Basically when I learnt how many calories are in one. I decided they weren't worth the calories. I didn't love them that much. Honestly, I don't even remember how they taste anymore. Now a skinny, non fat, no whip caramel frap from Starbucks; that I can tell you is extremely yummy. It's worth the calories for me. Plus the closest Starbucks to me is in the city, an hour away, at Chapters. If I want one, I have to have the spare time for some train table play time since I always have 2 or more kids with me when I'm in the city. So I don't get Starbucks often.

I do enjoy an iced coffee from Tim Horton's.

 I get it with milk instead of cream. It saves on points that way. It's been a long time I counted the points on one, so I don't remember what it is anymore. I'm going to have to recalculate.

There's a new Tim Horton's right beside my gym. Little crazy; we have three Tim Horton's in our little town now. It's not a big town; one of the smallest I've ever lived in. So small Target leased out their building to Walmart. They don't even want to come to our tiny town. Yet we have three Tim Horton's! Do we really need three?

Anyway; there is one right near my gym. I never bring money with me to the gym. So I haven't even been tempted to stop at Tim's after a workout. But after reading so many posts this morning about Tim's, or mentioning Tim's, I am tempted to swing by after my workout tonight.

Hopefully I'll talk myself out of it. Since it's a soccer night (Monkey #2's very first soccer night. I'm so excited for him. Go Apple Green Team!), I won't be getting to the gym until 8:30 or 9. It'll be late when I start to head home. Too late for a coffee. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself. I have errands to run tomorrow. I think I can wait until then to cave into this craving.

Morning Changes

"Add coffee filters to the list, please."

"There's some downstairs." He replied.

"Are you sure?:
"Yes"

"Positive?"

"Yes." He insisted.

"Okay." I let it go. Coffee filters never made it onto the list. 

Flash forward to Monday evening; I went down to the basement cold room only to discover there weren't any coffee filters there. And the stores were closed for the long weekend. I had no filters to make coffee Tuesday morning! 

I don't consider myself a big coffee drinker. I can go without a morning cup of steamy goodness without a problem. I enjoy the moment more than the coffee. Sitting down at either my kitchen table with my coffee and lap top; ready to slowly sip and surf the web. Or sitting down in my favourite seat in the living room with my kids playing at my feet; sipping and checking out facebook or instagram on my ipod. Either choice of room is comforting to me. It's the perfect way to start out my day.

But I have no filters! What's a girl to do when she's stuck in a routine? I made a tea latte instead. I choose Blueberry Jam tea from DavidsTea. Perfect for the morning; at least I think so. Monkey #2 thinks so too. He was sneaking sips of my tea whenever he thought I wasn't looking. 

I decided not to run out to buy coffee filters. They can wait until Friday night or Saturday morning when we go grocery shopping. They're already on the list. Until then, I'll enjoy a tea latte in the morning. Today I used up the last of my Blueberry Jam tea, but I have a boat load of teas to choose from. 

Short Long Weekend

While most of Canada is enjoying the long weekend; it just became a normal day here in our house. Hubby had to go into the office today. He’s going in tomorrow too. I joked that last weekend was his long weekend. He took two whole days off then. We enjoyed our day together as a family yesterday. It was busy, but we were together.

We were out the door by 8:30am. We dropped Hubby off at CrossFit, and the boys and I went to Home Sense. I love that store! You never know when you’re going to score there. I went looking for something to add to my kitchen. Purple plant pots, a picture to hang on my huge bare wall, a purple table runner. Something purple. I walked out with a rolling cooler bag. It’s awesome! We can use it for picnics or when we go to the farmers market. The monkeys and I are planning a Father’s Day picnic; the cooler bag will be perfect to hold all the healthy foods we plan on packing. I can’t wait! We live near a great park, so lunch picnics there this summer. And picnic dinners this summer one town over, where there’s a splash pad to let the kids cool off before bedtime. And I’m off topic here. What’s new? Anyways, the boys and I had fun wandering through the store. We were going to wander through the pet store too, but we ran out of time. We had to go pick Hubby back up.

Next stop was Old Navy. I had a list of what we needed to pick up. Shorts for Monkey #1, shirts for Monkey #2, nothing for Monkey #3 although I was sure I would find something (and I did), workout capris for me, shorts and shirts for the ever shrinking Hubby. I didn’t get my capris. All they had left in stock were sizes XS, S and M. My big butt needs a large. Hubby was picky and didn’t like anything there. But we did well for the boys. They’re good to go for the summer now. We also picked up a new pair of sneakers for Monkey #1 at Sport Chek. He loves his new Under Amour shoes. He was running all over the store “testing” them out.

We ate at the mall for lunch. KFC for our popcorn chicken loving skinny boys. New York Fries for Hubby. Amazing chicken shwarma for me. It was so good. I didn’t get potatoes and only ate half the rice. I cut the extra calories where I could. Our next stop was Chapters. Hubby had a list of recommended reads from his trainers at CrossFit. I just spend my Mother’s Day gift card on a bunch of new e-books for my kobo, so I was good to sit up at the train table with the boys. They played while Hubby hunted down books. We also treated ourselves to Starbucks. Mocha Cookie Crumble frap for Hubby, skinny non-fat no whip caramel frap for me and a strawberry & cream (has no caffeine) for the boys to share.

We hit a bunch of other stores just to window shop before deciding to head down to the closest open Target. We haven’t been there yet and I wanted to check it out. The two older monkeys got new sandals there. The littlest monkey got new crib sheets for the crib he isn’t even using yet. He still wakes up so much during the night, I haven’t moved him out of our room yet. I must do that soon. Maybe the new sheets will motivate me to make the move. I eyed up all the great home organization stuff Target has to offer. I’m a sucker for a pretty storage box. I also loaded up the cart with Method cleaning stuff. Anything that offered an Orla Kiely designed bottle. My fave cleaner paired with one of my fave designers; what’s not to love? Spoil sport Hubby made me put them back; pointing out that I had enough cleaning products at home. We know where to come back to get the Orla Kiely bottles, blah, blah, blah. He wouldn’t let me get new sheets or a new duvet cover either. One day he’ll come home and they’ll just be there. Hahaha!

We also checked out a pet store where I fell head over heels for a little morkie puppy. Oh how I wish I hadn’t forgotten the ipod or phone at home so I could have taken a picture of her sweet little face so share. She was the sweetest little puppy. Even Hubby said she got to him too. I begged and begged for her. I’ve been begging for a puppy for two years now. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be a puppy. I’m completely willing to recuse an older dog as long as it’s well behaved and good with kids and cats. I miss having a dog so much.

Other than the heartbreak of leaving the puppy behind, we had a great family shopping day together. I was still talking about the puppy this morning, but I doubt that will lead to Hubby surprising me with her today when he gets home from work.

Now the monkeys and I are off to my parents’ house for the afternoon. Hopefully the older boys will get in outside play with grandpa while I hang out with grandma and the baby. Have a great long weekend!

Treated

I bought myself a little treat this week.

And it’s not the edible type of treat.  

I bought a fitbook. 

 A little notebook to plan and record my workouts. It’s designed around goal making and set up to help you reach those goals in 12 weeks. I started mine this week, so it goes to August 4^th. I decided to set a goal of losing 20 pounds in the next 12 weeks. I then went online and created a workout plan for the next two weeks. At the end of my two weeks, I’ll see how I did and plan another two weeks or so. There’s room to track your food too. I’m not too sure if I’ll be using that part of the book. I track pretty religiously with my WW app. Yes, I track. It’s a part of the WW program a lot of people seem to have a hard time with. I love tracking. At least now I do. I tried WW 6 years ago when Monkey #1 was born. I last 3 days. I couldn’t stand tracking. I didn’t want to track. And I didn’t lose weight. After Monkey #2 came along, I rejoined and had no problems tracking. I even tracked when I was pregnant and off the program. It’s just a part of life now. I know if I don’t write it down somewhere, I will over eat.

Seeing how I am very type A about tracking my food; I figure I will only gain by planning and tracking my workouts better. It’s easy to record them on my WW tracker, but that doesn’t tell me how far I ran or how hard. Just how long. It doesn’t tell me how much weight I was lifting, or how many reps. Once again, just how long it took me to do it. The nerd in me needs to know how much, how far, how long. I like the idea of being able to look back and see how far I have come. How else will I be able to plan how far I want to go?

I’ve tried online recording, but I didn’t like it. I’m a nerd; I like paper and ink. I write on here a lot, but I have a journal beside my bed too. I have notebooks all over my house. I’m a scrapbooker.

So I sat down with my fitbook at the beginning of this week and wrote. I filled out the weeks to come. I wrote out my goals. I wrote out my next couple of weeks of workouts. I’m recording it all.

When the little monkeys went down for their naps this afternoon, I picked up my fitbook and looked at today’s planned workout. Some of it I could do here at home. So I did. Squats, sit ups, glute kicks, Russian twists, and light free weights were all doable right here in my living room. So that’s what I did. Tonight at the gym (because I’ve got nothing better to do on a Friday night leading into a long weekend) I’m doing leg work and cardio. By doing some of my planned workout here at home, I cut my gym time down. More time to spend with Hubby tonight. Or more time to fall asleep on the couch. The latter is much more a possibility.

I’m looking forward to the end of the next 12 weeks; to be able to look back through my fitbook and see how far I’ve come and if I was able to meet my goals. 

Soccer Mom

We all made it to soccer last night to cheer the oldest monkey on. He did awesome! This is his third year in soccer. I can see the improvements from last year already. He has great ball control and is no longer scared to kick the ball with other kids around him. The past two years he wouldn’t try to kick the ball with more than one other kid around in fear of accidently kicking someone else. It took those two years of telling him that’s what the shin guards are for before it sunk in.

I’m very proud of my Monkey boy.

(the two oldest Monkeys on the field, pre game)

(Monkey #2 and myself)

(game)

Next week, we start with our double soccer days. Monkey #1 on Wednesdays; Monkey #2 on Thursdays. We weren’t sure if Monkey #2 was going to be allowed to play. The Kiddie Kicker league decided to allow kids born early 2010 to play this year. I went in and talked to the head guy; explaining I have a kid born late 2010 who has a better ball control than his 6 year old brother. I was allowed to sign him up. He’s gone to practice, but hasn’t played a game yet. Well, if you can call what the Kiddie Kickers do as a game. There’s a lot of running off the field, spinning in circles, throwing grass and picking “flowers” (dandelions). Watching Monkey #2 try to sneak onto the field last night to play, I think he’s going to do just fine this year.

Much to our surprise, Monkey #3 was good the whole time we were out. He played with his toy, went between siting in the stroller and sitting in my lap. He checked out grass for the first time. He didn’t mind it.

And then fell asleep in my arms for the last 20 minutes. Even with me cheering his brother on rather loudly.

It felt good to be out there with my kids last night. I have a bunch of tired kids this morning though. I was planning a park adventure for today, but it might have to wait. I thought we could go out for some hardcore play time to work in some activity for myself. Today is my forced rest day from the gym. I say forced because Hubby is out too late on Thursdays; I can’t get to the gym. Well, I could if I want to get there for around 10pm. Honestly, I’d rather crawl into my bed at that time. I only take Monday and Thursday off from the gym, so I don’t feel guilty having a rest day. But I do find I feel lazy. To try to keep from feeling lazy, I try to keep moving.  Hope you’re keeping on the move today too!

Survived!

I went to my first class at the gym last night. Bootcamp! I’m pretty sure I died and then came back to be tortured with soreness.

I’ve seen the trainer who put on the class around the gym. She’s petite and cute. She has a great smile and is apparently a mom to three. I hope I can whip myself into looking almost as great as her. After all, I’m a mom of three too. Now this cute, little woman turned around and yelled at us like a drill sergeant. She worked us hard! I recognized many of the exercises we were doing from the Insanity program. Hubby was doing Insanity before he discovered CrossFit. Halfway through the hour long class, I thought I was going to puke. I was pushing myself hard. Not to prove anything to anyone. Just trying to look like I could keep up with everyone. I think I managed to create the illusion. Then again, maybe I just thought I did and everyone knew full well how much I was struggling.

But I did it! I got through right to the end. My arms felt like lead. My legs felt like jelly. My back ached. I was soaked in sweat. I was flushed bright red. My hair was everywhere! Darn flyaways. I’ve been eyeing up headbands from Lululemon. Almost any headband I have tried to wear before just pops right off my head. I’m pretty sure I have an odd shaped head. I’m reluctant to buy a headband from Lulu if it’s just going to do the same thing. My hair has a complete mind of it’s own. Some workouts, it stays nicely in it’s ponytail with a million and one bobby pins holding down the short flyaways. Other days, it can’t be contained; it’s everywhere and in every which way.

I won a water bottle at the gym. I’m one of the top 10 most active members in the past month. I don’t care so much for the water bottle. I am super proud of myself for making the list though. I almost feel like a gym rat. Maybe one day I will consider myself one. I don’t know if the gym put up that list because they’re new, or if it’s something they do every month. All I know is I’m going to keep up with my schedule and hopefully make the list again next month; if it is a monthly thing.

Tonight is a soccer night.

(picture from last year)

 Monkey #1 is playing his first game tonight. Second game for the team, but we missed last week due to his school concert. Hopefully we’ll all be able to go to watch him play. Monkey #3 is teething big time. He might not feel up to cheering his big brother on. I might be a zombie by this evening too. Said teether kept me up most of the night. I only got 4 hours of sleep. Hopefully it goes okay at the gym tonight after the game. I’m scheduled to do strength training tonight. Fingers crossed the little monkeys let me get in a nap this afternoon. Doubt it will happen since I haven’t been successful at getting them onto the same afternoon nap schedule. We’ll see how the day goes.

Measuring in Monday

My new gym opened up 29 days ago. According to the online check in, I’ve gone in 27 of those days. And it’s starting to show.

In the past 4 weeks I have dropped: 14cm around my waist. 3.5cm around my hips (come on, hips! Shrink already!). 2cm around my arms. 4cm around my bust (measured each Monday morning after feeding the baby). And 9cm around my thighs.

I haven’t stepped on the scale yet today. I’ve decided not to at home today. I torcher myself every Monday by weighing myself at home multiple times and then get upset if the scale at the meeting doesn’t match. Hello! Different scale, crazy lady! I know better. I just seem to enjoy driving myself crazy. Well, not today. I did my measurements; I’m very happy with them today. That’s enough for now. I’ll just cross my fingers and hope for a scale loss too. If there’s no moment for the second week in a row, I will look at how many centimetres have melted off me and hold my head up high.

My wonderful motivator, Hubby, says he’s noticing a difference in my body. Yep; I am too. I no longer look 6 months pregnant. I look 4 months pregnant. Maybe in another month or two I will no longer look pregnant; just a little chunky. Hubby says I don’t look pregnant and that I stopped looking it in two months of having the baby. He’s sweet. And I don’t believe him. Or I see myself much differently than he does.

I’d love to be able to see myself through his eyes. This is a man who clearly loves me for me since he has been with my through my biggest years. Looking back at the pictures, I was huge. I didn’t realize I was that big for a long time. I just didn’t see it. Did he? I was also with him during his biggest years. I loved him when he was soft and squishy and comfortable to curl up to; and I love him now with his tight muscles. He physically feels like a different person, but he’s still the same great guy I fell for. The same great guy I keep falling for over and over again.

I consider myself super lucky to have Hubby. In my meetings I hear woman complain that they have to make two meals; that their husbands don’t understand or support them; that it’s a struggle at home. Hubby has lost a lot of weight. He’s been in my shoes. Only he didn’t need WW to keep him accountable like I do. To each their own, right? Hubby understands what I’m going through. It helps to be able to try out WW recipes or tweek our favourite recipes to be healthier and have him okay with that. He’s always looking for ways to add flavour and subtract fat. He’s okay with skipping the pop and chip aisle at the grocery store.  He’s on board with berries for dessert. He’s loves trying new produce we need to google to figure out how to pronounce them. On days I’m being lazy and don’t want to go to the gym, he’s pushing me out the door with my gym bag. He tells me I’ll feel better once I’m done. And he’s right. I always do.

Monkey #1 does his best to support me too. Yes, he’s always bugging me for candy and McDonald’s, but he’s freshly six years old. That’s what they do at that age. He does ask for lots of berries and fruit too. And he goes to my meetings with me. He loves coming along with me. Since I don’t really know anyone at my meetings, I enjoy having him with me. He reads Captain Underpants to me most nights before the meeting starts.

I have a great support team here in my home. With them, I can achieve my goals. It’s only a matter of time and hard work.

I can’t wait to get to my meeting tonight. Not only to see what the scale says, but to find out more about a new contest WW is putting on. I want to hear more. What’s it about? Will there be prizes? How’s it going to work? I’m so curious!

Weekend

I should be happy this weekend. It's not only Mother's Day tomorrow, but Hubby is home all weekend long. Mr Work-Too-Much has had 2 days off in the last 40 days. He was asked to work this weekend again, he finally said no. His boss is **** off, but Hubby needs recharge time. He's not stressed out (so he says) but he's exhausted. So we get two full days with him.

And I get to spend time with my family today. I'm not looking forward to all the junk food that will be out today, but I am looking forward to being with my family.

For those reasons I should be happy. Instead I am in a fowl mood.

 Number one reason I'm so grumpy...Lack of sleep. It's a killer for me. And the baby made sure I got little to no sleep last night. Multiple wake ups, wanting to sleep in my arms instead of in his bed and thinking 3am is the perfect party time.

Another reason, getting verbally attacked by a "friend," and I use that term loosely, about a personal issue. I'm not going to go into details. I may have taken too much to heart. I'll get over this attacked feeling. Not too sure about how I feel about having such a "friend." Might cut some ties. Right now I'm burning with emotion. It came in handy at the gym last night. I'll use the left over emotion to fuel me again today at the gym. Better than reaching for a chocolate bar or two or a package of cookies.

So I'm tired and **** off; I'm in a bad mood. I'll do my best not to bite anyone's head off today and fit a workout in somewhere. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Evil Temptation!

Life without treats is boring. We all know that. Having pizza this week, although it made me feel like crap, was great. I enjoyed the taste at least. Now we’re scheduled to go over to my parents’ house on Saturday. I’m looking forward to why we’re going over.  I get to see my mom since I won’t get to see her on Mother’s Day (I’ve been told that my crew has plans for me). I get to see my sister before she goes back up to North Bay. I get to pick my brother-in-law’s brain about exercise one last time. I get to spend time with my dad. All great things.

Unfortunately, I know there’s going to be an ice cream cake there for dessert. A peanut butter blizzard cake from DQ! I love ice cream. I super maga love peanut butter cups! I joking told Hubby that I’m just not going to eat anything all day long so I can have a big slice.

My real plan? Grapefruit for breakfast, toasted tomato sandwich with a huge side of raw veggies and hummus for lunch, fruit and veggies for snacks (regardless what my dad puts in front of me during the afternoon) and then watch my portions at dinner. I will share a slice of cake with Monkey #2 . If my dad or sister are the ones slicing the cake, the slice will be at least 2 or 3 times bigger than it should be, so sharing will be ideal. If I’m brave enough, I’ll let Monkey #2 be the one in control of my spoon(or fork). I’ll get messy, but he’s bound to destroy the cake enough to me pass up on goopy slop.

I love my family to the moon and back, but they’re dangerous when it comes to my weight loss. Hubby even managed to avoid going over to my parents’ house all last month while he was doing Paleo. My family always means well, but most of them can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. My mother has never been over 110 pounds in her life. That was while she was pregnant. She never looked more than 3 or 4 months pregnant when she was 9 months along. She’s naturally super thin. She can eat more than my dad and doesn’t put on the weight. My dad is a thin guy too. He also has a sweet tooth. My sister has gained weight since getting married, but she’s still a very healthy weight. She went from looking sickly thin to healthy looking. And my brother-in-law…Well he’s in awesome shape. Six pack and all. When the cookies, cakes, pies, candies, chocolates, fried foods, pizza, garlic breads, cheese dips and so on come out, they can all enjoy guilt free. Me? Not so much.

I look at that stuff and pack on the pounds. I do what’s recommended by WW to help prepare myself. I preplan my points. I drink a lot of water. I try to fill up on veggies and fruits. I avoid the treats as best as possible. It’s hard when you have kids running up to you to show you their chip or cookie or chocolate milk. I’ve even sat down to talk to them about how hard it can be for me. They turned the table on me and asked why should they give up what they love just because I don’t want it.

Family!

Anyone want to join me for an eye roll here?

So I’ll do my best tomorrow. Then once we’re back home and the kids are all tucked in for the night, I’ll go to the gym for an hour to try to burn off some of those fatty calories. And hope there’s no treats on Mother’s Day!
****
Side note: Wednesday was Hubby and my anniversary. Seven years! I can't believe it's been seven years already. I can still remember how the butterflies felt in my stomach the first time I saw him. I can still remember how those same butterflies felt on our first official date, switching from friends to more. Now here we are, all those years later, and he still gives me butterflies. 
How did we spend our special day? Sitting in a super hot school gym watching our son sing Twist & Shout with his little kindergarten peers.

Pass the Pizza

Hubby and I stopped ordering in pizza years ago. We discovered a pizza dough recipe and never looked back. We love trying out different ingredients. For our current favourite pizza, we make the dough, roll it out super flat. I spread on a thin layer of PC blue menu Alfredo sauce, add a little shredded cheese (normally swiss but we do change it up sometimes) and then top with lots of shredded, seasoned, cooked brussel sprouts and a little bacon crumble.

Last night was the school spring concert. We opted to order in pizza as a special treat for the boys. I preplanned my points early in the morning. I knew how much I could eat and what I was going to reach for if I needed more food. I ate my slice and a half with carrots and hummus on the side. It went down well. It tasted so good! After eating it, my stomach felt heavy. I wasn’t full; but it didn’t feel good. It got me thinking….Is pizza worth it? It’s high in points. I could easily eat half a large pizza on my own if I let myself; yet it makes me feel gross to eat one and a half slices.

I don’t know, sounds a little evil to me.

I think I’ll stick to my own pizzas. I make them more WW friendly; and more stomach friendly too I suppose. I’m not saying I will never order in another pizza. That I won’t ever go to Boston Pizza or Pizza Hut again. It will just be a once in a blue moon sort of thing.

Fresh Produce

I have always been one to eat my vegetables. My parents always made sure there were vegetables at lunch and dinner. There was always a raw vegetable plate out among the treats at family get to togethers and holidays. Unfortunately, because my dad was picky about his vegetables, it was always the same ones.  Peas (which I actually don’t like. Never have), corn and yellow wax beans for dinner. Raw carrots or broccoli for lunch. Carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes for veggie platters. That’s it. 17 years living under their roof and that is all I was exposed to.

When I lived on my own all I ate was canned corn, canned green or yellow beans, broccoli and carrots. And they weren’t often. I lacked on my vegetable intake big time.

I was never one to eat fruit. I was a sugar junkie and choose to eat fruit flavoured candy instead. Bad move.

Even when Hubby and I moved in together we didn’t buy too much fresh produce. If we did, it was after Monkey #1 came along and he got the fresh stuff.  I make my own baby food. Always have since the first monkey. Don’t go thinking I’m one of those moms who thinks jarred baby food is nothing but crap. It might be, I don’t know. I’ve never looked into it. I looked at price point. It was, and is, a heck of a lot cheaper to make my own baby food than to buy it done. Sure, it’s a little more time consuming. But I don’t mind that. Parents do what works best for their families. For me, it’s making my own baby food. And I’ve gone completely off topic here. Where I was going with this is that I would take the time to pick good looking, fresh produce for my baby, but I didn’t bother to for myself of Hubby.

No wonder we gained weight!

Our grocery bill is much different now. We pile up on the fresh stuff. We love trying new vegetables and fruits. And yes, I eat fruit now. We bypass canned vegetables and fruit cups, opting for frozen instead if the fresh doesn’t look too great.

Once upon a time, our plates were half protein, nearly half starch (potatoes or rice) and just a touch of produce. Now it’s half produce, a bit of weighed out protein and just a touch of starch. Sometimes we leave out the starch. I love potatoes. I thought I would always eat my weight in potatoes. We didn’t have a single potato last month while Hubby was trying out the Paleo diet. I didn’t miss them. Of course, when we cooked up potatoes on the BBQ last weekend, they tasted heavenly!

We’ve really changed the way we look at produce. I love seeing all the different colours in our fridge and in our fruit bowl. I love that everyone in our house reaches for carrots, berries, apples, oranges, etc before reaching for the pudding, crackers or fruit roll up.

I’d also like to add that I love how we no longer eat until we feel full. We eat until we feel satisfied. Such a better feeling than feeling full. Honestly, I never want to feel full again. That’s yucky bloated, heavy stomach feeling is a thing of the past. 

Proud Mommy Moment

I'm going to take a quick break here from my weight loss recording to share a special little moment.

My baby boy, who just hit six months last week, is sitting up all by his self now. He started sitting by his self a couple of weeks ago, but was still a little wobbly. He has it nailed this week.

Where is the time going? I swear it's going by faster than it did with my other two monkeys.

Oh, baby boy, slow down! This mommy wants to savior each and every moment since there will not be anymore babies in this house. At least not for many more years when our babies are ready to have babies.

Feeling Defeated

Last night on the scale, my heart sank. The numbers on the scale didn't move from last week. I thought I did so well. I ate well, I exercised hard; I was expecting at least a pound and a half. I thought of the TWO cupcakes I had over the weekend. I put blame there first. Then starting thinking that maybe I didn't drink enough water throughout the week. Maybe I didn't push myself at the gym as hard as I thought I did.

The excuses kept popping up in my head. They haunted me all night long. Hubby gave me the speech I knew was coming; you didn't gain, you lost inches, you should be proud. All I could think of is how I want to throw out those leftover cupcakes; how I can revamp my exercise schedule. I racked my brain all night on how I can ensure a loss next Monday evening.

Obsessed much?

I know, deep down, that everything Hubby said last night to make me feel better is true. I've dropped 4 inches around my waist in two weeks. That’s huge! That’s something to be proud of.

I think I put too much pressure on myself. I have a goal in mind and want to get there as fast as possible. I have a long road on this journey of mine. I need to understand that it’s going to take time. It took me years to pile on the weight. It’s going to take more than a few weeks of a couple f months to take it all off.  

For the Love of Tea

Tea!

I love tea!

I really, really love DavidsTea! I have a bit of an obsession going on right now. It all started two years ago. Okay; it started longer than two years ago. But two years ago was when I got my first taste of DavidsTea. My now brother-in-law (then sister’s boyfriend) gave me a pack of “dessert” teas for Christmas. I loved them. Drank them up fast. I went online to discover the world of DavidsTeas.

(photo source unknown)

At first I stuck to the ones I had already tried. Then I got brave and tried new ones. I have come across one that I didn’t like. Chocolate orange. It smelled amazing. But I did not like the taste of it. But, then again, I was only 8 weeks pregnant when I tried it and everything made me gag (or worse) then.

Two months ago, my tea supply was running low. I did what any normal tea crazed person would do. I placed an order. I love that all orders from DavidsTea is only $5. Free if you order over $50! Plus you get three free samples with every online order. Since I love a bargain, I ordered over $50 worth of teas; plus a new tea infuser. When that box comes, the boys and I sit on the floor and smell all the teas, picking our favourites.

I have a cup of tea almost every night. It’s soothing. It also curbs any night cravings I may get. Salty? I drink Movie Night or Salted Caramel. Chocolate? Any of my chocolate teas. Sweet? A current favourite is Copabanana. Comfort? Sleigh Ride; my absolute favourite. I even have Hubby drinking tea now too. Something he said he’d never do. He even asks me to make it some nights. He won’t make it his self. He claims I make the tea better. My mom says the same thing; I make tea better than my dad.

So, yeah, I placed this nice big tea order. Then I remembered my mom’s birthday was coming up. So I decided to get her some tea too. There isn’t much she can do or enjoy these days. I figured tea was the way to go. I got her honey and cinnamon sticks and agave sticks to try. Of course since I was getting her these sticks to try, I had to get some for me too. I wanted to try them too. The honey and cinnamon stick is amazing in Sleigh Ride. There were also a few teas I decided I just had to try. So another $50 order is placed only a few days after the other order.

With that order, I got a coupon for free tea. We happened to be going to the city that weekend. I dragged Hubby and the monkeys into the store. I live about an hour away from the closest DavidsTea store. Hubby works about 15 minutes away from it. We go into the city all the time for shopping, doctor appointments; 5 minutes away from the store is the hospital I had all three of the boys. I shop across the street at Bonnie Togs all the time. Yet that was my first time going into the store. Hubby and I must have smelled twenty or so teas. I got my free tea; Forever Nuts. It’s yummy and turns an awesome shade of pink. I then picked up more agave, Lime Gelato and Coconut Oolong.

Self control…What is that? Apparently I have none when it comes to tea.

My cupboard was overflowing with tea. And I loved it! I discovered I loved having all the different choices. Every day can be different. My afternoon tea and evening tea can be complete opposites.

And now, a month later, my tea collection has quite the dent in it. I would love to place another tea order, but decided to wait until I have more empty tea containers.

Tea

If you’re a tea drinker, I highly recommend DavidsTea, if you haven’t tried them already. 

Noticing A Difference

I have a “good weather” friend. And I mean just that; we only see each other when the weather is good. She hates winter and hides. When Spring and Summer are here, she’s out almost every day. Now that the beautiful weather is here, I’ve been seeing her again. We’re neighbours. We used to live right next to each other. She babysat Monkey #1 when I was still working. Then we moved…Across the backyard. Now my place is right behind her’s.

My friend would never say that she’s active or fit. She’s one of those people who just can’t sit still. She’s always on the move somehow. We go on a lot of walks together, always have for the past five years. I’ve always had a hard time keeping up with her naturally fast pace. I was always huffing and puffing, sweating and struggling to keep up a conversation.

We went on our first walk of the season yesterday. 

(The trail near my house. This was taken back in January. You know, before 

winter hit and we got snow that lasted up until last week.)

Halfway through the walk I realized I was perfectly fine. No shortness of breath. No pain in my bad knee. No sweat even in the 25 degree weather. I was able to chat and laugh at ease. We walked for nearly an hour. I came home feeling the same way as when we left.

It feels great to realize my hard work at the gym is paying off. I am getting fitter.

Unfortunately, walks with my friend can’t be considered a workout anymore. Not if I’m not pushing myself. I’m okay with that. That’s why I now have a gym membership.

Speaking of the gym; tomorrow I’m going to hand over my monkey’s to my new brother-in-law and steal my sister. We’re going to go to the gym together. My brother-in-law is a super fit military captain; I’m throwing in that captain part only because I’m super proud of him. He’s only 24 years old. He’s doing great in his career. Anyways, he is always pushing my sister to be more active. At one point, my sister was underweight. Size 0 hung off her. She was just bones walking around.

Marriage agrees with her. She’s put on weight. She’s still far from overweight. She looks good. She looks healthy. Now she wants to tone up and get fit to keep up with her hubby. She says I’m motivation too. She says I can’t be the only fit sister; she has to keep up with my progress. I still have a long, long way to go. But I’m glad I’m getting her off her butt. I’m looking forward to sweating it up with her while Captain learns how to handle babies. I’m sure he’ll be fine.  

Get Moving

What a beautiful day! It’s the type of day to be outside as much as possible.

The monkeys and I spent almost the whole morning playing in our backyard today. Practicing soccer, bouncing on balls, climbing and sliding and, the most spring like thing we could think of, blowing bubbles.

Now it’s time to refuel these tired kids. Lunch and then nap time for the littles. A little bit of quiet time for the oldest. And some quiet time for me too. Too bad my quiet time is cleaning. I have baskets of laundry to fold and put away, two bathrooms to clean and the breakfast and lunch dishes to wash and dry.

The one nice thing of all the chores I need to do, I get to climb stairs multiple times. My own at home stairmaster! Since I can’t make it to the gym tonight, I’m going to try to get in my workout here at home. Bend, stretch, run up and down stairs, play a lot with the kids. Too bad my bike is still at my dad’s shop. I’d go for a late afternoon bike ride with the kids if it were here at home. Maybe a couple hours at the park will wear us all out before supper.

I’m going to get in my activity today. Hope you do too.

beautiful day

It's a dark day, but a beautiful day all at the same time.

Today, the family is meeting with a funeral director to go over plans for my mom. Getting her ducks in a row before the dreadful day comes and she loses her battle with cancer. 

I've decided not to sit at home and think about what's to come. After I got Monkey #1 onto the school bus, I strapped the littles into the stroller and set out on a run. And it SUCKED! 

This was my first time attempting to run with the stroller. I have a somewhat of a jogging stroller. I have a Phil & Teds with the second seat.

(yes, that's my stoller and my 3 monkeys. Picture taken this morning. 

The pirate hat monkey sits in the seat below)

 I figured I've been doing really well at the gym, why not take the kids for a spin. Oh! My! Gosh! It's was so hard! What the heck? Am I that uncoordinated? Why did my 13 and 28 pound kids suddenly turn into 100 pound bricks of lead? I managed to walk/run 30 minutes before I gave up. Plus Monkey #2's continuous "ahhhhhhhhh" was starting to drive me bonkers. 

I'm glad I tried it. It's something I am going to try again. After all, it's got to get easier, right? I'm happy I did something pre-gym. Tonight I'm heading over there for some strength training. 

Since today is one of the first truly gorgeous days we have had this Spring, the littles and I played outside after our run. I pulled some of the outside toys out of the shed. Monkey #2 was delighted to see the slide, the playhouse, the picnic table, the seesaw and his golf clubs again. Hubby and I are thinking of getting a swing set for the kids this year. It's not set in stone yet since we can't seem to agree on which set. I'm sure I'll just turn around and buy one at some point. I did just that yesterday. Only it was a bike trailer, not a swing set. 

I have not been on a bike in 18 years! When I was 13 the helmet rule came into play. I refused to wear a helmet. So I couldn't ride my bike. I'm stubborn and just stopped riding. Although I do not want to be one of those people who's butt hangs over the side of the tiny bike seat, I am sucking up my pride for my children. Monkey #1 got a brand new bike last week and he's itching to ride it. So far, Hubby and I just run next to him. I can't do that when Hubby is at work.. If I could figure out how to run well with the stroller, I would do that. But instead, I've taken my mom's old bike (it's 15 years old, never used, works fine) and I'm going to attach the bike trailer to it. There's two seats for both the littles in it. Then I'll be able to take my kiddos out for a bike ride whenever we want. I told Hubby my idea three weeks ago. Every time I suggested buying a bike trailer, he hmm and ah over it and we'd walk away with nothing. So I bit the bullet yesterday, bought one and sent him a text saying I need him to build it for me, or he risks me putting it together. I reminded him his babies are going to be in that thing. I'm sure he'll have it built for me this weekend. 

I love how we're becoming an active family. We go for long family walks. We play sports together. The two older kids are both in soccer this year. We go swimming. We will be going biking. Someday maybe we'll run together too.

I'm loving how we've changed. I love how Hubby and I are setting good examples for our kids. Monkey #1 comes to my meetings with me. Not only do I get to spend a little one on one time with him before and after my meeting, he gets to learn why I'm overweight and why I'm working hard to lose that weight. Hopefully he's never in the same boat. Hopefully he'll learn how to eat healthy and same active his whole life. I not only want to be a loving mother, but I want to be an active mother. I want to be a role model for my boys. I think I'm off to a good start.