Drained

Ever feel stretched thin? Emotionally? Mentally?

Physically I feel like a thick post. And maybe just as stiff.

This past weekend was one of those weekends that seems long and short all at the same time. I was always on the go; got very little sleep; didn't get the chores I wanted to do done.

My oldest had to be run around to different places over the weekend. I had his social calendar a little overbooked. He loves it though. He's such a people person. And I have a hard time saying no to people. The invites come rolling in and I just shove things around to make time for them.

Our one kitten injured her leg.

 An expensive vet bill later and we know she does not have a break or a dislocated hip. Just a soft tissue injury. I left the vet's the weekend before with some pain meds for her and instructions to have her rest. It did the trick. Then we ran out of medication and she overworked her leg. Now she's limping again. We're trying to keep her calm and keep her from jumping. It's hard to kitten calm so she can get the rest she needs. She wants to play and explore so badly.

And the baby is teething still. All his teeth are coming in all at once. He went from having no teeth to six in six weeks. And there's two more just under the surface right now. He's normally a smiley happy baby. When he's teething, he's still a smiley happy baby...As long as I'm holding him. If I put him down for whatever reason, he screams. He's a mama's boy. During the day, I can deal with it alright. At night, he wakes up many times looking for me. So I get about as much sleep as I did when he was a newborn. I'm so tired, I have no idea how I'm functioning. Maybe I only think I'm functioning. Maybe I'm just a huge mess and I have no idea because I'm too busy pouring caffeine down my throat.

I also restarted the couch to 5K program. I got halfway through last time I tried it and then decided to just do my own thing. I need to work at my breathing while running so thought a do over would work.

 I've been working more on core lately too. Everything from my chest down hurts. Thankfully today is my rest day. I feel like I need it.

Summer

Hello, Summer! I missed you over the Winter months. It's good to see you again.

Anyone else's life get flipped upside down come summer? It seems like we're always on the go come summer. I have nearly every weekend booked up from now until Labour Day; not to mention the day trips and activities the Monkeys and I will be doing between now and then too.

We kicked off our summer with a birthday party down in Cambridge on Friday. Driving through the rain and seeing the flooding in the K-W area with my own eyes was crazy. And maybe a tad bit scary. We were fine. The boys had a blast at the party and we went to Boston Pizza for dinner with friends.

We celebrated the long weekend with our first bonfire of the season. I think I spent most of my time blocking the path between my running children and the fire (I cannot count how many times I had to say "no running around the fire." The little stinkers were just way to excited) and cleaning up marshmallows.

I also had some vet time this past weekend too. I noticed on Thursday our girl kitten seemed off. Friday she was limping and hiding. Saturday I spent 6 hours at the vet's office with her. They did x-rays to rule out a broke bone or dislocated hip. Because she's so tiny it took three attempts to get a good x-ray of her. Thankfully they only charged me for one! Ends up she only had a soft tissue injury. Some pain medication and lots of rest was all she needed. She's back to being her spunky self again. She's also become a cuddle monster. She'll climb into anyone's lap for a cuddle at anytime. She's taken a big liking to Hubby. He can be changing a diaper and she'll curl up in his lap.

I've been hitting the gym hard this past week. My body is sore. I'm looking forward to my rest day tomorrow.

I have not been eating the greatest lately. I've been tracking well. Just not really caring about my choices. That needs to change. I get in all the good foods I need. It's hard not to. There's a rainbow of beautiful fruits and veggies that are in season right now. I love all the fresh produce in my house right now. Then I don't think twice when I dip into the cookies, the popsicles and chips. I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks. Gotta eat well coming up to the day since I know there will be a couple of celebrations with lots of calorie heavy goodies. I won't feel as guilty then if I'm good now.

And now it's time for a bike ride with the kiddos before it either gets too hot or it rains.

Perhaps I should rename my blog to Diary of a Crazy Lady. I went to the gym last night with every intention to stick to running so I didn't hurt my shoulder anymore than it is. Once I got there I remembered bootcamp was starting in 30 mins. So I ran for 20 and then wandered over for bootcamp. I had completely forgot about my muscle; it wasn't feeling too bad at that point.

Well, I was the only one who showed up for bootcamp! So instead I got a little personal training time for free. I got to try out TRX. It's totally something I can see myself getting into. But, since I still feel so new to fitness, I would want someone there telling me what to do; just like I had last night.

Halfway through the workout, my shoulder let me know it was hurting. I pushed through it even though the voice in the back of my mind was telling me to stop. I felt great after my workout; my shoulder/neck, not so much. I came home and iced it. I'll be icing it on and off throughout the day.

Tonight, I run and only run. No arm work! I need to let myself heal.

I found a new summer treat at the grocery store. Gelato! 

(there should be a picture here, but I'm having trouble uplaoding. Sorry)

This particular brand is only 60 calories with 14g of carbs and 14g of sugar per half cup. That's only 2 points per serving! I bought lemon and it's so yummy with strawberries cut up on top! It doesn't replace the greatness of ice cream, but it's a good sub if it's hot and you just want something to cool you down.

Down!

I ran in for WI last night, but I didn't stay for the meeting. I wish I could have since I don't have a meeting next week due to Canada Day. But Hubby was at the hospital and I had all three Monkeys in tow. Don't worry, Hubby's okay. It looks like he may have had a panic attack; we're not sure why. We're still working that out.

Anyways, I stayed off the home scale all week and just focused on being as good as possible. We did eat out on Sunday since we went into the city. Hubby and I took the boys to Pita Pit thinking it was a healthier way to go. 

Yesterday, I avoided the bathroom with the scale so I wouldn't be tempted to jump on it. 

I stepped on the scale with my eyes closed; like that would make a difference. Then I heard "way to go! It's like last week didn't even happen." Down the 3lbs I was up plus an extra 0.5lb! Yippee!

I would have done a happy dance, but I was so sore and stiff. It was hard enough carrying around the baby all day. It's days like yesterday I wish he was walking already. Then I remember "last baby" and I'm okay with the fact he's still so dependent on me. 

Yesterday I was in a lot of pain from the gym Sunday. I had really pushed myself and hit some personal bests around the gym. I felt great on Sunday. Very sore and a bit stiff yesterday. I was rubbing muscle cream on myself and taking Motrin all day just so I could move. My whole upper back, shoulders and neck were hurting.

This morning I woke up feeling mostly better. One muscle is still super sore and very stiff this morning. I can't bring my arm up or turn my neck to the left. The rest of my body that was sore yesterday feels normal again today. Has me wondering if I pulled a muscle. I'm currently sitting here with an ice pack resting on my shoulder/neck. Hopefully it helps to ice it a few times today so my run today isn't too bad. At least it isn't my legs. I can run. I just might not feel the best doing so.

A little Growing Up

My baby, my Smartie Pants, my male mini me (the skinny version) is all grown up today.

Okay, not really. He just graduated kindergarten. But, any mother out there will agree, it feels like they're all grown up when they're up there getting that little kindergarten diploma.

So far it's been one of those days. I woke up this morning and could hear the tv on in the living room. It was 6am. I went down ready to send a little boy or two back to bed for another hour. There were no boys in sight. One of the kittens was sitting there, watching tv! I don't even know how he turned it on. Weird. When I woke up this morning, on top of being thrown off by the tv being on, I was (still am) sore from yesterday's workout. Mega sore! So sore I busted out the muscle cream and Motrin. Normally, I would just do the cream when I'm this sore, but since I had a grad and a teddy bear picnic to go to with 2 little boys in tow and no help, I took the Motrin too.
Tonight is WI. I'm feeling like a bloated beast. We'll see what the scale says. Any loss this week shall be a victory since I was up so much last week. 

Now I'm off to enjoy some nice, cool watermelon since it's so darn hot right now. 

Furballs and Sugar

Well, my baby, at seven months, is no longer the youngest in the house. Yesterday, the monkeys and I brought home 2 two month old kittens. We went to go see one cat, but she was already adopted. Then the pile of kittens caught our eyes. I asked if we could see them out on the floor. Two took to my monkeys right away. It didn't even take me a second to answer yes when Monkey #1 asked if we could take them home.

So Phoenix and Oreo (original, eh? Ha!) have found their forever home with us. Filling our home with pet love once more.

 (Phoenix)

(Phoenix & Oreo)

We live a good hour away from the rescue we got the kittens from. Being out and about for most of the afternoon with all three kids is taxing on making healthy choices. At least it is for me. I'm plagued with the kids begging for junk food all afternoon long. Monkey #2 for the most part is happy with the raisins or fruit and water or juice boxes I normally bring along. He gets going when Monkey #1 does. At home, Monkey #1 is fine with the healthier treats. When he's out and about, he wants nothing to do with them. He's a sucker for advertising. He wants the candy, the chocolate bars, the cookies, the cakes, the sugary drinks and so on. Yesterday, he got shot down left, right and center for every sugary treat he asked for. If I say no to him, I won't buy for myself. I see it as a win win situation, but I'm sure he doesn't.

When he least expected it, I pulled into Tim's drive-thru. The boys were treated to small frozen lemonades.They were more than happy with their drinks and I tried not to feel so bad giving them something so sugary.

Day After Soreness

I said I was going to push myself at the gym this week. I did just that last night. I ran hills as fast as I could for 15 minutes for a warm up. Then I hit a personal record of lifting 70lbs. Doesn't sound like much compared to Hubby's personal record, but it was a big moment for me. I used to avoid our 25lb kettlebells because I said they were too heavy. Now here I am lifting 70 on repeat. My next goal is to get to 80lbs.

I came home from the gym already feeling sore. I knew today was going to suck. Lifting my tiny 13 pounder is a challenge today. Every muscle in my upper body is protesting. It's as wonderful as much it sucks. I hate feeling sore, but I love knowing what I will get out of it. A slimmer, fitter me. 

This morning I took my little monkeys out for a Tim's date. Monkey #2 had orange juice and a cookie (not healthy, but we all have to have a special treat sometimes) and Monkey #3 was content with his Mum Mum cookie I brought from home. I enjoyed my first iced coffee of the year; made with milk instead of cream. We went for a long walk with a stop at a park along the way. It's so beautiful outside, I wanted to make sure we made the most of it. We'll get in more outside play after naps are done. Plus there's soccer tonight. More running around. It's a special game tonight. Monkey #1 is playing close to my parents' house. My dad is coming out to the game for sure. He misses coming out to watch the games; we miss him too. For two years straight he was at every single one. My mom, if she's having a good day, will come out too. 

I'm on the fence about getting a couple of new cats tomorrow or Friday. Hubby and I had agreed to wait until closer to the end of August before getting a new pet, but I found two young cats at the humane society who captured my heart. Not sure if I'm going to go back to adopt them or not. I really miss having a furball in the house. 

So Disappointed

Oh my gosh!

3 pounds! I am up...3 POUNDS! In one week. How the heck did I manage that? I went to the gym. I didn't eat that badly. At least, I didn't think I did. Guess I need to go back and study my tracker to see where I went wrong.

I had booze this past weekend. Something I hardly ever have. Could that be part of the issue. I had more pop than I have in over 2 months over the course of the weekend too. Could that be part of the issue? We went to Swiss Chalet, but I made good choices there. Could it have been a combination of a bunch of little things I didn't think much of (those three I just listed included) at the time over the course of the week?

It was a hard week with the passing of our kitty. Could everything have piled up on me?

Well, it's time to turn this pity party around. It's a new week. It's time for new goals and a new zest for the life I'm trying to building for myself.

This week, I will not sit around googling adoptable cats and dogs for hours on end. I will not text Hubby a million times a day with with pictures of cats and dogs who need a loving home. I will not spend the majority of my time in the kitchen so I graze. I will not curl up with my kobo and zone out.

This week I will push myself at the gym. I will run harder, faster. I will lift longer and heavier. I will make good food choices to fuel my body the way it should be. I will get up and play with my children. I will host random dance parties in the living room with them.

I will be better because I want to be.

Father's Day Prepping

Since Monkey #1 is old enough to voice his opinions, I let him lead in our Father's Day planning. He decided he wanted to have a picnic, play mini golf and go to Swiss Chalet for dinner.

Now my job comes into play to make it happen and to fill in the blanks. 

We've decided to do our Father's Day tomorrow since there's a chance of rain on Sunday. So, we're leaving bright and early tomorrow morning so Hubby can get in his CrossFit. Next we're going to a park which has a petting zoo. We're going to check out the animals and then have a picnic lunch by the water. I've been prepping the picnic goodies today for tomorrow. Wraps, a chickpea salad, lots of raw veggies and hummus, pre-cut fruits, cheese, crackers and lots of water. We're going to go run off as much lunch as possible at the splash pad at the park. Then we're going to go play mini golf. We played mini golf last year on Father's Day too. I think I smell a tradition in the making here. After the game, if no one is on the verge of meltdowns from a busy day, we're going to go have dinner at Swiss Chalet. If not, we'll stop at Hubby's choice for some take out food to bring home. Tired tears of little ones are easier to deal with at home. And it's less embarrassing too! 

I was hoping to talk my boy into agreeing to take Hubby on a hike for Father's Day, but I wasn't successful. Maybe next year if he isn't so dead set on mini golf again.

Eat Everything in Sight!

I'm having one of those "eat everything in sight" days. I'm doing my best to stay out of the kitchen.

Breakfast was a piece of toast with fresh fruit. I should have had an egg or yogurt too. Lunch was a grilled cheese sandwich with raw veggies and hummus; plus grapes for dessert.

I'm craving chocolate chip cookies, pizza, a cheeseburger, cupcakes...Anything I shouldn't have.

It's grocery day; there isn't much for me to try to sub in for those cravings. The monkeys and I pretty much finished off the last of the fresh produce between breakfast and lunch. There's still some veggies to go along with dinner tonight. 

So I'll down water all afternoon and do my best to stay away from the kids snacks.

Planning future pets

Yesterday we sent our beloved Charlie Cat to his final resting place. Letting him physically go was so much harder than I thought it would be. Hubby and I have had our brave faces on for the boys over the last few days. I finally broke down and cried last night. Once those tears started flowing, they were hard to stop.

Scattered all over our house are the sad reminders of the little fur ball. Monkey #1 is ready to go pick out a new kitty. Or a puppy since he knows I've been wanting a dog for over two years. Hubby and I have agreed to wait it out a little. Hubby said in a month's time. I'm thinking more towards the end of the summer.

(Dark picture of Charlie Cat taken last year by Hubby's iphone)

Any new animal will need time, lots of time, to get used to us, our home and our lifestyle. We have many plans for over the summer months. Picnics, hikes, lazy days at the splash pad, beach visits, a trip up to North Bay, a few days in Stoney Creek, a possible Niagara Falls day trip, a day trip to the Toronto Zoo, a few trips to the water park in Kitchener. Tag all those with the fact that Monkey #3 is still technically an infant who requires most of my time, and we have a recipe for disaster if we introduce a new pet. A puppy can't come with us for most of these day trips. And we'll be gone too long to leave one alone at home. A new kitten needs time to learn not to jump on counters or climb curtains and window screens. Being away from it so much won't help it learn. Plus I don't want to be one of those people who brings home a pet to just never be there for it.

(Charlie Cat back when he was a kitten. He was a handful.)

So, if we do get a new pet, which I can almost guarantee will happen because I love having a fur ball in the house, it won't be until closer to September when I know I'll be home to introduce our new family member to our lives properly.

Moving on

Over the past two weeks, we’ve had our few ups and many downs as a family. That’s life.

Today is a new day. The start to a new WW week for me, since yesterday was my WI day. I know some might consider WI day to be the start of their week, but I don’t. Since WI isn’t until 6:30pm, the beginning of the day feels like the last day.

I haven’t lost weight over the last two weeks. That leaves me feeling rotten. I know why I haven’t. I ate poorly. I didn’t get in my gym time or bothered to work out here at home over the last week. And now I pay the price. I’m okay with that. It’s now in the past; I can move forward.

I haven’t been able to fall back asleep since the baby’s 4am feeding. Kitty is on my mind. Instead of lying there, tossing and turning, I got up. I made myself an egg sandwich with red peppers and green onion and lots of hot sauce. I looked up exercise routines. I enjoyed (and still am enjoying) some coffee with cinnamon. I looked up kittens and puppies for sale. I listened to my boys all snore over baby monitors. I pre-planned and tracked my meals for the day. I made a mental note not to touch the peanut butter and chocolate ice cream in the freezer. I had some yesterday; I’m not allowed today. If I really want peanut butter, I can have a limited amount with celery. If I really want chocolate, I can have it in tea form.

With not quite 5 hours of sleep under my belt, I’m sure I’ll be taking advantage of nap time today. Monkey #1 doesn’t have school today, so I’ll be cat napping on the couch while he watches a movie or something on Netflix I’m sure.

I got my Studio Calico kits the other day. It's always a happy day with Mr UPS Guy drops off my box of goodies. It made me realize I haven't really done much with the past couple of kits I've gotten. Lack of time. So I sat down and made this layout in 10 minutes:

 Fun x 3; the title is about the toy Monkey #3 is playing with. The box of shapes. I bought it for $9 when Monkey #1 was 9 months old. All three of my boys have loved playing with those shapes. Best $9 spent!

And lookie at how the Project Life kit was packaged!

So cute! At least, I think so . Nice and neat and fits into my project life supply box nicely. 

Tonight I hit the gym for some much needed strength training. And maybe a 20-30 minute run if I have the time.

saying goodbye to a dear friend

A week ago yesterday, I was calling Hubby in Ottawa to tell him I thought the cat was sick. He had been acting strange for a few days, but it wasn't until that Sunday I really noticed.

Now I sit here, on the cement floor of my laundry room, cradling my kitty while the little boys nap. 

We've done all that we could for him, but it looks like this is the end. My little heart murmur kitty only made it to 3 years old; although you wouldn't be able to tell he's so young right now. He looks like he could be 20; he's so sick.

I don't know how I'm going to tell the boys. Monkey #1 is the only one who's going to understand what's going on. He's not going to take it well.

Charlie isn't the best cat. Heck, he isn't even a good cat. But he's a part of our family; we love him very much.

My heart is breaking...

Plugging on

The fog of this cold is finally starting to lift. I spent Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in a foggy haze. I had no desire to do anything. I don’t think I had the energy to do anything even if I wanted to. Poor Hubby was picking up the slack big time around here. He’d work all day long to come home and clean, take care of the monkeys and take care of me. He’s an awesome guy; I’m very lucky. Thanks to him, my house isn’t a wreck.

I haven’t been to the gym since Sunday. I’m feeling so icky. I’m going tonight for sure. I still can’t breathe out of my nose and I still have a nasty cough, but I need to go. I actually miss going. I haven’t been as happy this week. Okay, yeah, I was (am) sick; who’s going to be happy when feeling like dirt, right? Still; getting your sweat on has been proven to make people happier. When I was happy being inactive I couldn’t imagine anyone truly loving an active life style. I couldn’t wrap my head around why anyone would want to sweat. I felt sorry for those active people; they missed out on a lot of tv.

I can’t believe I used to think like that. Never would I have thought I would be one of those people who likes to sweat. Okay, confession, which I think I have confessed before too, I hate sweating. I hate the feel of sweat. I prefer to be dry. But I’m willing to sweat now. And that I don’t mind at all. I like knowing when I feel gross and icky from sweat, I can shower that ick off and I’m left feeling awesome from a great run. Or that feeling of empowerment that comes from beating a personal record with the weights. I look forward to those feelings now. I’m craving that right now. I don’t care if I run at a snail’s pace tonight. I just want to go.

Oh, and the official no has been given to Ottawa. They offer Hubby the job; they really liked him. They just weren’t willing to pay for him. They low balled him for money. He countered back, asking for $2 an hour more. They refused. So, as upset over it as we were, he turned them down. We’re not going to uproot our family if we can’t even keep up with our current lifestyle. It’s not worth it. It’s a shame. We were so excited (and stressed) about that potential move. 

Spread the Germs

You’d think it was winter time in my house. Not almost summer. The monkeys all came down with colds. And even with lots of hand washing, I too, have succumbed to those germs. I’m a sniffling, sneezing, coughing wreck who’s nose is both stuffed up and runny.

We’re a household of grumpy sickies.

Thankfully Monkey #1 isn’t too bad and he was able to go on his class trip to African Lion Safari today. Hope he’s having fun. 

The one nice thing about being sick is that I have no desire to eat. Not even absent mindedly. Since I have kids to feed, I am remembering to eat something. Maybe that pound I put on stress eating will melt back off thanks to this cold.

I want to get my sorry butt to the gym tonight, but would that be wise? I figure if I take hand sanitizer with me, I shouldn’t spread any germs around.   But will I have the energy to make it through a workout?

Stress eating

I caved to the pressure of being stressed out.

 Chips and pop called my name and I answered. I didn't eat a whole bag of chips; but I ate way more than I should have. And pop; we haven't had pop in the house since Christmas! And now there's an almost empty 2L bottle in my fridge.

Hubby will not be impressed when he gets home. He won't be ticked off. He's not like that. But I might get a small lecture with good intent behind it.

Being alone to parent the monkeys for a few days was tough. It didn't help that Monkey #3 is teething and sick. Monkey #2 is getting sick. Monkey #1 is going through a rebellious faze. And, I myself, on top of being tired from 5 hours of broken up sleep, am getting sick myself. How do single parents do this? Kudos to all single parents out there! 

The stress of being the only adult in the house, the stress of Hubby's interview, the stress of a possible move, the stress of everything regarding my parents, the stress of the cat getting seriously sick (unsure if he'll recover or if we'll have to put him down) and so on and so on...

Hello stress eating! The day before weigh-in too. If I must stress eat, I must remember to do it on Tuesday so I have the rest of the week to work away at those extra calories I ate. 

Typing that out and reading it to myself shows me how self destructive I can be. I shouldn't have that mentality. That I can pig out on a certain day because I can go to the gym the rest of the week.

What I need to work on is finding more productive ways to handle stress. Or emotions in general. It's something to personal work on throughout this week since we're still up in the air about a move. The company likes Hubby. Hubby thinks he likes them too. Now it's all about negotiating. 

Stress...

Hello anxiety! How are you? I've been better without you looming over me.

Really, it's not so bad. I haven't fallen full on into the grips of anxiety. It is building though. It's looking more and more like Hubby's interview on Monday is more of an there's-our-company-this-what-we're-offering-you-please-take-the-job. They've expressed he's exactly what they're looking for.

I'm feeling pretty proud of him.

Unfortunately, nothing is set in stone yet. We're not even sure if we'll know more about the near future by Monday. Just because he's going in and it looks like they're going to make an offer, doesn't mean they will. Or that he will accept one.

I'm very much a planner. It's driving me crazy that I can't start planning. Although that hasn't completely stopped me. The past two days has had me glued to the laptop, kobo (I have an Arc, it's like a tablet) or the iPod touch searching kijiji and MLS for houses. I've been researching areas, Google Mapping how far places are from the possible office and from the only Anytime Fitness gym. I'm locked into a 12 month contract, but I can go to any Anytime Fitness gym in the world; and I can have my account transferred. I've been looking up schools and preschools. I've been comparing moving companies and u-haul. I've been trying to figure out if a smaller u-haul truck would be good enough since our current 3 bedroom house is on the very tiny size. Everything we own currently used to fit in our 2 bedroom apartment. The only things we've added is a second tv, a futon and bunk beds.

In other words, I'm setting myself up for a great disappointment if this job falls through. I'm letting myself get too excited over it. But, on the positive side, if Hubby takes the job, we're a little ahead of the game since we're going to have to move fast. We're already setting ourselves up for the possibility of him living and working in Ottawa during the week and coming home on weekends until we get everyone moved. There's a very small possibility of him being able to work from home for a few weeks while we pack up and move.

I haven't told my parents about the possible move yet either. That's eating away at me. I want to be here to help them in anyway that I can, but we can't pass this opportunity up.

I feel torn. I keep brushing my teeth so I won't eat out my stress.

Fail

Bike ride with the littles = Epic fail!

All the boys did was scream and cry. They weren't in the mood for a bike ride I suppose. After a 15 minute ride down the trail, I grew tired and irritated by the crying and turned our booger filled trailer around.

Now the baby is sleeping in his swing, the middle is colouring and I'm stewing. Guess it's off to clean the bathrooms so I can take my fowl mood and use it against soap scum.

Frustration

Yesterday started out so good. I was sipping my coffee, watching my monkeys all play nicely together. They looked so sweet as they all played. I was feeling very thankful for all that I have.

Flash forward a few hours later and all heck was breaking loose. The whole day just went spiraling down from there. It ended up being a horrible day. It was just one thing after the the next. Hubby ended up pushing me out the door with my gym bag; telling me to go blow off my frustration on the treadmill.And I did. I ran hard and long. I ran until my lung burned and my legs felt like jelly. I ran until I was dripping in sweat from head to toe and I was flushed bright red. I ran until I could think about was how tired I was. Then when all I could think about was how much I wanted a cookie, I brushed my teeth and did sit ups until I was ready for bed.

I woke still feeling flustered from yesterday's series of events. I've decided I'm going to do everything in my power to just let it all go; today is a new day. It's beautiful outside. Time to take advantage of it. I think after we get Monkey #1 on the school bus, the littles and I are going to go for a bike ride.

Issues.

Life. It’s beautiful; it’s complicated; it’s amazing; and it’s hard.

In all honesty, I have a rather easy life. I’m sure there are millions of people who would take my problems over their own. Still, I will struggle; I will fight; I will want to give up when I’m in the middle of a life challenge. The only way to grow is to continue. What doesn’t kill you, blah blah blah, right?

So here I sit, with my own first world problems, trying to figure out the next step. Should we move? When should we go? Do I help Dad out enough with Mom? Do I want to leave the area while she’s still hanging on to her life with all that she has? Should I continue with WW? Is it money well spent now, or wasted? Could I do this weight loss thing on my own? Am I accountable enough?

Petty problems, eh? It’s all I’m willing to share right now. And really, that’s what is on my mind the most these days. And anything relating to my mother and anything relating to my weight loss journey.  It’s getting to the point that I can’t seem to think about anything else without it circling back to those two things. Hubby came home the other day to tell me he is on the short list for a new job, in a new city, for more money. Three things he’s been working towards for a while now. We like the feel of where we live. It’s a tiny town in mid-western Ontario. The people are nice; we love how Monkey #1 seems to know everyone (he’s such a people person. People naturally gravitate towards him); we like how close we are to my parents. We love how our kids have gotten to have my parents in their lives the way that they have. Grandma and Grandpa are not those people who you see once or twice a year for my boys. Instead they’re those people who are at every soccer game, every school concert; they sing “Happy Birthday” the loudest, they go to the park; there’s weekly sleepovers, built in babysitting and random drop in’s for coffee or tea. My parents have a big role in my boys’ lives. At least, they did. Until mom got this sick. And these reasons are enough to make me toss and turn in my sleep over moving. Hubby and I want to move. We’re craving change. The thought of moving to a big city (Hello, Nation’s Capital) has us giggling with hope and anticipation; but what about mom? We would be far away from her. I couldn’t help dad as much. What if, after she passes, dad decides to stay here? He’d be all alone. No family around at all. I hate that idea. Of course, I think it would be easy to convince him to move out our way, if we end up in the city we’re looking at. We have family very close to there. His family. There are other little things about a possible move that have my mind spinning. I think I might be over thinking it all.

Lately my weight loss journey has been sitting heavy on my mind too. I haven’t been able to put my finger on what’s bugging me about it. I’m content with how I’m eating. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything (except for daily chocolate. I would love daily chocolate. But it’s a trigger food for me. I can’t have just a bite and be happy. So it’s a weekly treat instead). I’m still happy at the gym. Even on those sluggish days where I don’t want to go, I head out anyways and come back feeling much better. I’m still learning how to fuel my body correctly; I’m still learning how to work myself into shape; and I’m still enjoying it. Every week I’m weighing myself, measuring myself and watching those numbers go down. Unfortunately when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the changes. Hubby says he’s noticing big changes in my body. I see the double chin even more now. I see the big belly and super wide hips. My thunder thighs have never looked bigger. Where did my ankles go? I can kind of see them, they aren’t full on cankles, but still. Am I finally seeing what I looked like all this time? I know when I looked in the mirror before, I did not see the me everyone else saw. I saw the me I wanted to see. Has the wool finally been pulled from my eyes? Or am I seeing extra flub now? I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin right now. It’s a horrible feeling. Thankfully I know if I continue on my journey, push past this feeling, it will get better. One day I will wake up, look in that dreaded mirror and see how my hard work is paying off. It will happen; I just need to be patient. After all, the numbers don’t lie. If the scale says I’ve lost over 10 pounds. Then I did. If the tape measurer says I’ve lost x number of inches, then I did. I just have to wait to see it. Or keep my pants to prove to myself that they’re either growing or I’m shrinking.

See? Total first world problems.  

Surprised!

My last post, I complained about my bad choices throughout last week. I was no better on the weekend. I was at my parents' house on Saturday. I stayed clear of the cookies, cake and chips. I didn't have wine. But I did have a diet pop. I used to think it was okay to drink diet pop because it has 0 calories. Learning more about how to eat real foods instead of processed stuff and piles of chemicals, I've almost completely given up my beloved diet cola. I thought I would miss it, but I don't. I do enjoy it (when the bubbles don't burn my nose) a little but more now. I also ate way more steak than I should have at my parents' house. It was so good! Half my plate was meat. Half was baked potato. How bad is that?!?

Sunday, we woke up to a power outage. By the time everyone was up, dressed and ready for our day, the power was back on. Feeling too lazy to make our own coffee, Hubby and I grabbed the stroller and walked the kids over to Tim Horton's. Too lazy to make coffee; not too lazy to walk over a mile to get coffee. I think I need to be that sort of lazy more often. It was such a beautiful morning. We took the trail for part of the way. The older boys collected rocks along the way to drop off the old train bridge. 

Tim's was closed when we got there. There was a note on the door saying they would be opening in 20 minutes. We decided to hang out and wait. Hubby and I were floored with how mad people were getting because they couldn't get their precious coffee. I was more surprised over the people who couldn't wait 5 or 10 minutes and drove off in a huff. Seriously people? You'll wait 5 minutes in line for a coffee, but not 5 minutes outside the doors? When we did finally get in the doors, Hubby got our drinks and a breakfast panini for the boys to share. I took one bite. I thought it was blah. When the boys complained they were still hungry, Hubby bought them a muffin and a bagel with cream cheese for us. I love the jalapeno bagel at Tim's! 

Lunch was hot dogs from outside the grocery store. Not too great of a lunch. After our shopping, and lunch on the go, Hubby and I got antsy and we took the boys into the city. Monkey #1 was eyeing up his faves at the food court when we got to the mall. Instead of caving to fries, we went to Walmart where we picked out snacks there. Less money and less calories. By the time we were ready to head back home it was close to dinner time. We decided to pick up something to bring home. So we headed over to a nearby grocery store and grabbed subs. Not the worst thing out there, but not the greatest either. 

I thought for sure I would be up this week. I've stayed off my home scale all week. I knew I wasn't eating as well as I should have and I didn't want to see the proof. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on that scale last night. 2.6lbs down! Wow! I get my next charm for my Pandora bracelet.

(Not necessarily this one. This is the one I've been eyeing up to get in honour of my mother. A pearl because she was originally diagnosed with lung cancer; and a (faux) diamond because that's her birthstone)

Now just because I made poor decisions food wise this past week, does not mean I didn't work hard at the gym. I think I may have pushed myself harder at the gym because of my choices. I ran faster, biked harder, lifted longer; and I got the pay off. Here's to a new week; I'm already off to a good healthy start. I ate well yesterday. No gym since it was my rest day. Today's meal plans are all worked out; they're nice and healthy. And today is a gym day. I'm not looking forward to going out in the rain, but I am looking forward to getting my workout in. Never thought I would ever say that! It feels good to say that.  

Gross Feeling

Ick!
I feel gross about my food choices this week. I haven't been the on top of my game. I haven't used up all my extra points, but I've used more for junk than I like. It all started with a snack size blizzard from DQ on Monday. I told Hubby that it has to be a Monday treat. I like to get my "bad" choices out at the beginning of the week so I can behave better the rest of the week. And I only had a snack size one (instead of the large that Hubby inhaled), so I didn't feel bad about it.

Then I had an unplanned day out. I ate within my points, but I still don't feel like I did well. Then there's the corn chips I bought for the boys. I, of course, dipped into the bag myself. And that brings me to last night; we had a play date go longer than planned. At first the play date was only supposed to be after school until dinner time. The mom and I are friends who don't get to see each other often, so we ran long due to all our chatting. So she suggested we stay for dinner. Okay, sure, why not. The kids were all having fun and so was I. Her husband picked up KFC on the way home from work. Grease with a side of fat. It tasted great! I watched how much I ate; I didn't feel full, but wasn't hungry either; it left me feeling sluggish and tired. We didn't get home from our visit until 8:30. Hubby and I literally pulled the kids out of the van and tucked them into their beds.

I shrugged off feeling sluggish and tired as best as I could and hit the gym. It was tempting to just curl up on the couch with Hubby, but I'm glad I went. Yesterday was just cardio. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and then 20 minutes on the bike.

Today is a quiet day. Hubby and Monkey #1 are in Toronto for the regional CrossFit games. The littles and I are off to visit my parents after nap time. I'll be heading over to the gym tonight after everyone is home again.

Tim Horton's

I was reading some blogs this morning and noticed a common topic; or at least a mention of a common thing. Tim Horton's Iced Caps or iced coffee.

'Tis the season here in Canada, eh?

Reading about them so much has me kinda craving one now. I haven't had an iced cap in years. Basically when I learnt how many calories are in one. I decided they weren't worth the calories. I didn't love them that much. Honestly, I don't even remember how they taste anymore. Now a skinny, non fat, no whip caramel frap from Starbucks; that I can tell you is extremely yummy. It's worth the calories for me. Plus the closest Starbucks to me is in the city, an hour away, at Chapters. If I want one, I have to have the spare time for some train table play time since I always have 2 or more kids with me when I'm in the city. So I don't get Starbucks often.

I do enjoy an iced coffee from Tim Horton's.

 I get it with milk instead of cream. It saves on points that way. It's been a long time I counted the points on one, so I don't remember what it is anymore. I'm going to have to recalculate.

There's a new Tim Horton's right beside my gym. Little crazy; we have three Tim Horton's in our little town now. It's not a big town; one of the smallest I've ever lived in. So small Target leased out their building to Walmart. They don't even want to come to our tiny town. Yet we have three Tim Horton's! Do we really need three?

Anyway; there is one right near my gym. I never bring money with me to the gym. So I haven't even been tempted to stop at Tim's after a workout. But after reading so many posts this morning about Tim's, or mentioning Tim's, I am tempted to swing by after my workout tonight.

Hopefully I'll talk myself out of it. Since it's a soccer night (Monkey #2's very first soccer night. I'm so excited for him. Go Apple Green Team!), I won't be getting to the gym until 8:30 or 9. It'll be late when I start to head home. Too late for a coffee. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself. I have errands to run tomorrow. I think I can wait until then to cave into this craving.

Morning Changes

"Add coffee filters to the list, please."

"There's some downstairs." He replied.

"Are you sure?:
"Yes"

"Positive?"

"Yes." He insisted.

"Okay." I let it go. Coffee filters never made it onto the list. 

Flash forward to Monday evening; I went down to the basement cold room only to discover there weren't any coffee filters there. And the stores were closed for the long weekend. I had no filters to make coffee Tuesday morning! 

I don't consider myself a big coffee drinker. I can go without a morning cup of steamy goodness without a problem. I enjoy the moment more than the coffee. Sitting down at either my kitchen table with my coffee and lap top; ready to slowly sip and surf the web. Or sitting down in my favourite seat in the living room with my kids playing at my feet; sipping and checking out facebook or instagram on my ipod. Either choice of room is comforting to me. It's the perfect way to start out my day.

But I have no filters! What's a girl to do when she's stuck in a routine? I made a tea latte instead. I choose Blueberry Jam tea from DavidsTea. Perfect for the morning; at least I think so. Monkey #2 thinks so too. He was sneaking sips of my tea whenever he thought I wasn't looking. 

I decided not to run out to buy coffee filters. They can wait until Friday night or Saturday morning when we go grocery shopping. They're already on the list. Until then, I'll enjoy a tea latte in the morning. Today I used up the last of my Blueberry Jam tea, but I have a boat load of teas to choose from. 

Short Long Weekend

While most of Canada is enjoying the long weekend; it just became a normal day here in our house. Hubby had to go into the office today. He’s going in tomorrow too. I joked that last weekend was his long weekend. He took two whole days off then. We enjoyed our day together as a family yesterday. It was busy, but we were together.

We were out the door by 8:30am. We dropped Hubby off at CrossFit, and the boys and I went to Home Sense. I love that store! You never know when you’re going to score there. I went looking for something to add to my kitchen. Purple plant pots, a picture to hang on my huge bare wall, a purple table runner. Something purple. I walked out with a rolling cooler bag. It’s awesome! We can use it for picnics or when we go to the farmers market. The monkeys and I are planning a Father’s Day picnic; the cooler bag will be perfect to hold all the healthy foods we plan on packing. I can’t wait! We live near a great park, so lunch picnics there this summer. And picnic dinners this summer one town over, where there’s a splash pad to let the kids cool off before bedtime. And I’m off topic here. What’s new? Anyways, the boys and I had fun wandering through the store. We were going to wander through the pet store too, but we ran out of time. We had to go pick Hubby back up.

Next stop was Old Navy. I had a list of what we needed to pick up. Shorts for Monkey #1, shirts for Monkey #2, nothing for Monkey #3 although I was sure I would find something (and I did), workout capris for me, shorts and shirts for the ever shrinking Hubby. I didn’t get my capris. All they had left in stock were sizes XS, S and M. My big butt needs a large. Hubby was picky and didn’t like anything there. But we did well for the boys. They’re good to go for the summer now. We also picked up a new pair of sneakers for Monkey #1 at Sport Chek. He loves his new Under Amour shoes. He was running all over the store “testing” them out.

We ate at the mall for lunch. KFC for our popcorn chicken loving skinny boys. New York Fries for Hubby. Amazing chicken shwarma for me. It was so good. I didn’t get potatoes and only ate half the rice. I cut the extra calories where I could. Our next stop was Chapters. Hubby had a list of recommended reads from his trainers at CrossFit. I just spend my Mother’s Day gift card on a bunch of new e-books for my kobo, so I was good to sit up at the train table with the boys. They played while Hubby hunted down books. We also treated ourselves to Starbucks. Mocha Cookie Crumble frap for Hubby, skinny non-fat no whip caramel frap for me and a strawberry & cream (has no caffeine) for the boys to share.

We hit a bunch of other stores just to window shop before deciding to head down to the closest open Target. We haven’t been there yet and I wanted to check it out. The two older monkeys got new sandals there. The littlest monkey got new crib sheets for the crib he isn’t even using yet. He still wakes up so much during the night, I haven’t moved him out of our room yet. I must do that soon. Maybe the new sheets will motivate me to make the move. I eyed up all the great home organization stuff Target has to offer. I’m a sucker for a pretty storage box. I also loaded up the cart with Method cleaning stuff. Anything that offered an Orla Kiely designed bottle. My fave cleaner paired with one of my fave designers; what’s not to love? Spoil sport Hubby made me put them back; pointing out that I had enough cleaning products at home. We know where to come back to get the Orla Kiely bottles, blah, blah, blah. He wouldn’t let me get new sheets or a new duvet cover either. One day he’ll come home and they’ll just be there. Hahaha!

We also checked out a pet store where I fell head over heels for a little morkie puppy. Oh how I wish I hadn’t forgotten the ipod or phone at home so I could have taken a picture of her sweet little face so share. She was the sweetest little puppy. Even Hubby said she got to him too. I begged and begged for her. I’ve been begging for a puppy for two years now. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be a puppy. I’m completely willing to recuse an older dog as long as it’s well behaved and good with kids and cats. I miss having a dog so much.

Other than the heartbreak of leaving the puppy behind, we had a great family shopping day together. I was still talking about the puppy this morning, but I doubt that will lead to Hubby surprising me with her today when he gets home from work.

Now the monkeys and I are off to my parents’ house for the afternoon. Hopefully the older boys will get in outside play with grandpa while I hang out with grandma and the baby. Have a great long weekend!

Treated

I bought myself a little treat this week.

And it’s not the edible type of treat.  

I bought a fitbook. 

 A little notebook to plan and record my workouts. It’s designed around goal making and set up to help you reach those goals in 12 weeks. I started mine this week, so it goes to August 4^th. I decided to set a goal of losing 20 pounds in the next 12 weeks. I then went online and created a workout plan for the next two weeks. At the end of my two weeks, I’ll see how I did and plan another two weeks or so. There’s room to track your food too. I’m not too sure if I’ll be using that part of the book. I track pretty religiously with my WW app. Yes, I track. It’s a part of the WW program a lot of people seem to have a hard time with. I love tracking. At least now I do. I tried WW 6 years ago when Monkey #1 was born. I last 3 days. I couldn’t stand tracking. I didn’t want to track. And I didn’t lose weight. After Monkey #2 came along, I rejoined and had no problems tracking. I even tracked when I was pregnant and off the program. It’s just a part of life now. I know if I don’t write it down somewhere, I will over eat.

Seeing how I am very type A about tracking my food; I figure I will only gain by planning and tracking my workouts better. It’s easy to record them on my WW tracker, but that doesn’t tell me how far I ran or how hard. Just how long. It doesn’t tell me how much weight I was lifting, or how many reps. Once again, just how long it took me to do it. The nerd in me needs to know how much, how far, how long. I like the idea of being able to look back and see how far I have come. How else will I be able to plan how far I want to go?

I’ve tried online recording, but I didn’t like it. I’m a nerd; I like paper and ink. I write on here a lot, but I have a journal beside my bed too. I have notebooks all over my house. I’m a scrapbooker.

So I sat down with my fitbook at the beginning of this week and wrote. I filled out the weeks to come. I wrote out my goals. I wrote out my next couple of weeks of workouts. I’m recording it all.

When the little monkeys went down for their naps this afternoon, I picked up my fitbook and looked at today’s planned workout. Some of it I could do here at home. So I did. Squats, sit ups, glute kicks, Russian twists, and light free weights were all doable right here in my living room. So that’s what I did. Tonight at the gym (because I’ve got nothing better to do on a Friday night leading into a long weekend) I’m doing leg work and cardio. By doing some of my planned workout here at home, I cut my gym time down. More time to spend with Hubby tonight. Or more time to fall asleep on the couch. The latter is much more a possibility.

I’m looking forward to the end of the next 12 weeks; to be able to look back through my fitbook and see how far I’ve come and if I was able to meet my goals. 

Soccer Mom

We all made it to soccer last night to cheer the oldest monkey on. He did awesome! This is his third year in soccer. I can see the improvements from last year already. He has great ball control and is no longer scared to kick the ball with other kids around him. The past two years he wouldn’t try to kick the ball with more than one other kid around in fear of accidently kicking someone else. It took those two years of telling him that’s what the shin guards are for before it sunk in.

I’m very proud of my Monkey boy.

(the two oldest Monkeys on the field, pre game)

(Monkey #2 and myself)

(game)

Next week, we start with our double soccer days. Monkey #1 on Wednesdays; Monkey #2 on Thursdays. We weren’t sure if Monkey #2 was going to be allowed to play. The Kiddie Kicker league decided to allow kids born early 2010 to play this year. I went in and talked to the head guy; explaining I have a kid born late 2010 who has a better ball control than his 6 year old brother. I was allowed to sign him up. He’s gone to practice, but hasn’t played a game yet. Well, if you can call what the Kiddie Kickers do as a game. There’s a lot of running off the field, spinning in circles, throwing grass and picking “flowers” (dandelions). Watching Monkey #2 try to sneak onto the field last night to play, I think he’s going to do just fine this year.

Much to our surprise, Monkey #3 was good the whole time we were out. He played with his toy, went between siting in the stroller and sitting in my lap. He checked out grass for the first time. He didn’t mind it.

And then fell asleep in my arms for the last 20 minutes. Even with me cheering his brother on rather loudly.

It felt good to be out there with my kids last night. I have a bunch of tired kids this morning though. I was planning a park adventure for today, but it might have to wait. I thought we could go out for some hardcore play time to work in some activity for myself. Today is my forced rest day from the gym. I say forced because Hubby is out too late on Thursdays; I can’t get to the gym. Well, I could if I want to get there for around 10pm. Honestly, I’d rather crawl into my bed at that time. I only take Monday and Thursday off from the gym, so I don’t feel guilty having a rest day. But I do find I feel lazy. To try to keep from feeling lazy, I try to keep moving.  Hope you’re keeping on the move today too!

Survived!

I went to my first class at the gym last night. Bootcamp! I’m pretty sure I died and then came back to be tortured with soreness.

I’ve seen the trainer who put on the class around the gym. She’s petite and cute. She has a great smile and is apparently a mom to three. I hope I can whip myself into looking almost as great as her. After all, I’m a mom of three too. Now this cute, little woman turned around and yelled at us like a drill sergeant. She worked us hard! I recognized many of the exercises we were doing from the Insanity program. Hubby was doing Insanity before he discovered CrossFit. Halfway through the hour long class, I thought I was going to puke. I was pushing myself hard. Not to prove anything to anyone. Just trying to look like I could keep up with everyone. I think I managed to create the illusion. Then again, maybe I just thought I did and everyone knew full well how much I was struggling.

But I did it! I got through right to the end. My arms felt like lead. My legs felt like jelly. My back ached. I was soaked in sweat. I was flushed bright red. My hair was everywhere! Darn flyaways. I’ve been eyeing up headbands from Lululemon. Almost any headband I have tried to wear before just pops right off my head. I’m pretty sure I have an odd shaped head. I’m reluctant to buy a headband from Lulu if it’s just going to do the same thing. My hair has a complete mind of it’s own. Some workouts, it stays nicely in it’s ponytail with a million and one bobby pins holding down the short flyaways. Other days, it can’t be contained; it’s everywhere and in every which way.

I won a water bottle at the gym. I’m one of the top 10 most active members in the past month. I don’t care so much for the water bottle. I am super proud of myself for making the list though. I almost feel like a gym rat. Maybe one day I will consider myself one. I don’t know if the gym put up that list because they’re new, or if it’s something they do every month. All I know is I’m going to keep up with my schedule and hopefully make the list again next month; if it is a monthly thing.

Tonight is a soccer night.

(picture from last year)

 Monkey #1 is playing his first game tonight. Second game for the team, but we missed last week due to his school concert. Hopefully we’ll all be able to go to watch him play. Monkey #3 is teething big time. He might not feel up to cheering his big brother on. I might be a zombie by this evening too. Said teether kept me up most of the night. I only got 4 hours of sleep. Hopefully it goes okay at the gym tonight after the game. I’m scheduled to do strength training tonight. Fingers crossed the little monkeys let me get in a nap this afternoon. Doubt it will happen since I haven’t been successful at getting them onto the same afternoon nap schedule. We’ll see how the day goes.