Friday, October 14, 2011

Not Over Yet

Yesterday should have been the last hospital visit for Muffin. We were supposed to go in, have his catheter removed and and have the doctor say he looks good. Then we were supposed to go home and hope we never have to go back for another surgery. I was supposed to have my happy baby back and good and healthy.
Supposed to.
Instead the doctor said he was healing wrong. Skin was forming to the wrong area. The doctor went into full surgeon mode to correct it right then and there. Muffin screamed like someone was killing him, there was blood everywhere, and all though I did my best to try to comfort Muffin and help the doctor, I nearly went down.
At first my stomach felt queasy. I made a mental note to grab some food as soon as we were done. I figured I didn't eat enough before hand. I started sweating. I mentally scolded myself for not taking off my coat and getting overheated. Next I was dizzy. Once again, I figured I was just hungry. Next thing I know, everyone sounded like they were miles away instead of right next to me. The doctor looked up and shouted at me to sit down. I think I sat just in time.
I was embarassed. I'm still embarassed.
I don't know what made me feel so faint. The blood; watching the doctor work; my baby screaming; a combo of any or all of that. I don't know.
I focused on my breathing for a couple of minutes and then jumped back into helping the doctor. He was worried about me, but I was too worried about my baby to care.
I have to take Muffin back in on Tuesday for a follow up appointment. If he's doing better then, we go back in December for another follow up. If he's not doing better...I don't know what happens next.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: 2 cups coffee and yogurt (4 pts)
Lunch: Apple squash soup (4pts)
Dinner: Wendy's chicken burger, half a small Wendy's fries (16pts)
Snacks: Fat-free vanilla latte (5pts)

2 comments:

Kimberly said...

Oh, Jen, your story about your little guy just hurts me so much. I know how hard it is to watch my son get a needle I can't imagine having to go through what you are going through. Keep your head up

Kim

Jen said...

Thanks, Kim. I really have to count my blessings. He's not as sick as some kids out there. It always breaks my heart to see a sick kid. My little one is going to be okay in the end. And that's all that matters.