Thursday, October 27, 2011

Relationship With Food

My relationship with food isn't a good one.
Truth be told, it never has been.
Even when I was a skinny, little thing.

I'm not even sure where my poor relation started.

My parents were both in the military. They brought the treats into the house and ate whatever they wanted because they could. They both worked out. They both ran. And, on top of it, my mom is one of those people who can eat whatever she wants and not gain from it. If she wants to eat 10 chocolate bars in a row, washing them down with a bag of gummies, she can. Is it health? No. But she can. And she has.

Growing up, the treats were there. The tempation was there. I knew my parents worked out to keep fit. I understood by my teen years what calories were and how to read a food label.

I was lazy. I would wake up at 6am on the weekend, sneak half a pack of cookies in my room and read and snack until lunchtime. I didn't work out. I didn't run, jump, walk and play hard. I hated sports. I would much rather cruise the mall and a slow pace, gossiping with my friends.

As a teen, I was smaller than I am now. I knew if I wanted a chocolate bar, there was a price to pay. Only I wasn't smart about it. Instead of treating myself once and a while, or trying to burn those calories off, I skipped meals.

Fast forward to college.
I was on a tight budget. I didn't know how to cook much other than minute rice, spaghetti, KD and toast. I bought very little food in order to spend more on clothes and booze. Instead of gaining the freshman 15, I lost 20.

Fast forward a few more years. I found myself in a very unhappy, unhealthy relationship. The man sucked all the life out of me. I turned to food for comfort. I spent 6 years pretending to be happy because I thought I was supposed to. I gained weight rapidly.

Once I was free from that relationshop; I had to work hard to find myself. Along the way, I found Hubby. He's changed my life for the better. He taught me how to love myself. He taught me what a good relationship is all about. He loves me for me. And he taught me how to cook.
Little side story: When Hubby and I were only a couple of weeks into being a couple, I wanted to cook him dinner. I had to call my mom to ask her how. She walked me through making rice with veggies, chicken (fresh, not that frozen junk in a box I was used to cooking with) and steamed veggies on the side. It's not rocket science, but I could not do it alone. And I was 24 years old!

I've had many more up and downs (mostly downs) with food. I've tried losing weight on my own before. I lose track of myself and everything else when I'm consumed by trying to count calories. I'm not sure how counting points seems to be easier for me, but it is.

My relationship with food isn't close to being good yet. I will still long to pick the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie over an apple. I will still long for 5 cookies instead of just one. I will still stare longingly at the chocolate bars at the check out. But I am learning to love fresh fruits. I am learning how to have my chocolate and lose weight too.

It's about time I learn how to have a good relationship with food.
Food is fuel. Food is what helps keep me alive.
Food is not a friend. Food cannot comfort.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Coffee and an apple (3pts)
Lunch: Soup (5 points)
Dinner: Steak with a mushroom red wine sauce (ww recipe), couscous with sauted red peppers and garlic; a couple of glasses of wine (20pts! But so worth it)
Snacks: Low fat cheese and a handful of goldfish crackers (6pts)
Pop: NONE!!! Yay for me! There's a bottle of President's Choice pop downstairs and I haven't brought it up yet. Hubby has joined me on my lack of pop. At home, anyways. I know he's drinking pop at work. I bought him some a few weeks ago to have there.

Exercise: 2.2 mile walk; 35 minutes cardio; 20 minutes yoga (which only gets one activiy point! How much yoga does one have to do to get the points? I used to do yoga when I was pregnant. I think I prefer the results of cardio now)

No comments: