Friday, October 21, 2011

Me?

Losing weight...What's in it for me?
There are millions of people who are in the same boat as I am right now. They need to lose weight. There are some who pretend they don't care. There are some who are in denial. Me? No, I'm not fat. That used to be me. I honestly didn't see the fat person who was staring at me from the other side of the mirror. And then there are those who decide to do something about it and take control back over their bodies. That is where I am.
But what changes one's mind?
For me, the want to change came with the pregnancy of my youngest.
Many years ago, I was slim. I didn't have a healthy relationship with food, but I wasn't fat. I ended up in a bad relationship. We started out happy, like most couples start out, but then the emotional abuse started. I was unhappy, pretending to be happy. I turned to food. I would spend an entire weekend laying on the couch eating packages of cookies, chips, processed food; downing it all with litres of pop. Looking back is almost painful. I knew what I was doing was bad, but I felt better drowning my sorrows in junk food.
My weight, of course, jumped up.
I got out of that relationship and realized I needed to shed some weight. I tried straving myself. I was not in the right state of mind to lose weight. I wanted a quick, cheap fix. I wasn't willing to work on it.
Then I might Hubby. He loved me just the way I was.
We slowly became foodie wannabe's together. I learnt how to cook real food. And I enjoyed it!
Then we became parents to be together.
I treated my first pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I craved processed cheese (ick!), pickles and mayo. Not always together. I would go to Subway and order a veggie sub and just put tons of pickles, mayo and a little bit of lettuce. I would go to McDonald's and order 3 cheeseburgers with extra cheese and nothing else on them.
You can see where I'm going with this, right?
I gained 70 pounds with that pregnancy.
It was not a good pregnancy; I turned to food when I wasn't feeling well.
40 pounds melted off quickly, but I held onto 30.
I knew, deep down, that I needed to lose weight. I guess I wasn't mentally ready.
Fast forward almost three years later, my baby was on the edge of turning three and I was holding a positive pregnancy test.
Those 70 pounds from my first was haunting me. I was terrified of gaining that much weight again.
I turned to Hubby to talk about my fears. He gave me the slap in the face I needed, figuratively speaking. He pointed out that I gained the weight. No one made me. I did it. That's when I told him I was joining Weight Watcher after the baby came out. I was sick and tired of being fat.
I watched my diet carefully with that pregnancy. It helped that I craved mushrooms and jelly beans. I craved the odd greasy cheeseburger, but refused to give in. I gained a total of 15 pounds; still giving birth to a 7 pound, 11 ounce baby. I lost the baby weight and was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes in 14 days. And I hated my clothes. I knew I lost my second round of baby weight, but that first round of baby weight haunted me. That bad relationship weight haunted me. I wanted it gone.
I waited three months before getting up the nerves to walk into my first Weight Watchers meeting. And I am so glad I did.
I did lose sight of the big picture over the summer. Or rather, I just got lazy. Summer was hot and I was busy. I stopped exercising, I stopped counting points; But I don't think I stopped caring. I didn't gain weight. I still wish I hadn't stopped the program for the summer. It's a life style change, not school where you get the summer off.
So now I'm back to losing weight and changing my life for the better.
Once again...Why?
Because I want to be around for my boys now and in the future.
When I first decided to lose weight for good, I thought about how I was slowly killing myself. How could I call myself a good mother if I was on the fast track to give myself heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes? How could I run after two kids when I had trouble running after one?
I knew I had to lose the weight for myself, but my boys are my motivation.
They still are.

And now it's time for...

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Special K (3pts)
Lunch: Tomato soup with rice (8pts)
Dinner: Lamb burgers with a sprinkle of feta (10pts) -- So filling Hubby and I both just had the burger and a few cucumber slices
Snacks: Cheese and goldfish crackers, bear paw snack pack (8pts)

Exercise: Nada. But I did run up and down my stairs about 30 times in the afternoon. I cleaned. And I played with my boys. I didn't find the time to exercise, but I kept moving.

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