Accountability

Accountability = Your kid counts how many cookies you bake, so should you try to sneak one, he will know and call you out on it.

And yes, I cheaped out on the baking this year. Cookies I know my kids like, but I don't really care for. Something fun for them that is not too temping for me. Monkey loved rolling the cookies in sprinkles.

Happy Too-Much-Candy Day

It's that time of the year again.
Halloween.
Some think it's a time for dressing up.
Other's think it's a time for piging out on candy.
I used to be the latter.

I was never a huge fan of dressing up. I went through stages when it was fun, but I wasn't big time into it. Monkey seems to be following in my foot steps. He won't wear anything that requires a mask, hat or makeup. He was a shunk for his first two years because Mommy made him (I love it when they're too young to say no). Then he was a Wiggle (because we went to their concert and he decided he had to be just like Sam Wiggle). This year, he's train tracks. And since there are no train track costumes out there, I had to make it. I'm a crafty person. I figured it would be easy to make.
Yeah, I'm a lot better with paper and glue than I am with fabric.
He looks like he's trying to be a poorly constructed ladder.
But he loves it!
I think he's still too young, at four-years-old, to realize how crappy it is. He'll look back at the pictures someday and say "really, Mom?"
Muffin is still at that too young to say no age. Last year he was a pea pod; costume hand picked by big brother. This year he's a shunk. I'm getting my money's worth out of that Old Navy costume I bought on sale in 2008! Monkey was a big baby (always in the 98th percentile. He's always been tall for his age); so when he was 7 months old for his first Halloween, he wore a 18-24 month costume. It was a little big on him, but still super cute. I then squished him into the same costume the following year. It barely fit, but I made it work. Muffin, at 13 months, is a little small in the costume. He's a tiny one. I don't think the costume will fit him next year, so he wears it today. It fits well enough, and he'll have layers under it.

I'll be missing my meeting tonight. They are opening up earlier for weigh-in only, but I won't make it. Hubby's car is in the shop; he has my van. I could walk to weigh-in with the boys, but that means walking on the highway.
I weighed myself here at home this morning. No change. I wasn't expecting one this week. I ate horribly from Thursday on.
Today starts a new day; a new week.
My challenge this week: To stay out of Monkey's candy stash!

And on one last note...Happy Too-Much-Candy Day from my Boo Crew to your's!

Want More

These last few days have been a struggle.
I'm not reaching for junk food. I just seem to want more than my measured out portions.
Yesterday at the grocery store, Hubby and I found amazing steaks on sale. There were three; all under $3. We grabbed all three of them for dinner. He BBQ-ed them while I made a roasted green bean with tomato salad (so good! One of these days I'll have to post the recipe. If you're a WW member, look it up in the recipe finder. It's a fave in this house).
I knew I wasn't going to eat a whole steak. But I also knew I wanted more than just 3oz. So I measured out 5oz. It was 12 points! And you know what...So worth it! It was melt in your mouth perfection. The bean and tomato salad is one point per serving. I had two servings. When I was done my super yummy meal, I wanted more. Hubby downed one whole steak. Pre-Weight Watchers, I would have too. With a baked potato with the works and most likely something else too.
Since I was still looking for more, I had an apple. It got me to where I needed to be. I still wish I could have had more steak; but I know I made the right choice.
It was hard not to get into the snack cupboard last night too. I kept wandering over to it. Just as I would reach my hand out to open the door, I would repeat "one point left." All I had left to my points for the day; and I wasn't willing to spend my weekly points on a late night snack.
I made it through, Hopefully today is easier, but I doubt it will be. Maybe I haven't been keeping myself busy enough. I have a bunch of little things that need to be done around the house. I'll get to work at getting them done.

Question: The cheerios your 13 month old feeds you are zero points, right?

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Apple and coffee (3pts)
Lunch: Quiche and a salad (13pts)
Dinner: Steak with bean and tomato salad (15pts)
Snack: Apple; pear (0pts)
Pop: Two glasses and one bottle (so bad! No pop today!)

Exercise: 5km walk with the family

Raynaud's Phenomenon

Many years ago, I was diagnosed with Raynaud's Phenomenon. It's a condition that has to do with my blood circulation.
It was pretty bad when I was in my teens. I didn't have too many problems by the time I hit my 20's. Lately though, it's been acting up.
When I was younger, it was my hands that were affected. I'm used to it being mostly my fingers that go numb and sore. So when my toes went numb, I didn't put two and two together. My doctor did though.
At least, that's what he thinks it is. He's thinking of running some testes to rule out other issues.
Raynaud's Phenomenon is a pain in the butt, hands and feet, but I will still be happy to hear that the numbness in my toes is due to it rather than something else more serious.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Soft Pretzel and coffee (9pts! Yikes!)
Lunch: Soup (5pts)
Dinner: Broccoli quiche with a salad (12pts)
Snacks: Apple, goldfish crackers (4pts)
Pop: One glass (Hubby finally brought up the bottle from downstairs. I'm weak with it up here. I think I should set up a challenge for myself)

Excerise: 6km walk; 40 minutes cardio

I ended up walking a grand total of 12km yesterday; 6km being when I was out for a walk with my  youngest, Muffin. I'm proud of that. If it's not rainning today, I plan to be back out there for another long walk. Maybe I'll talk DH into walking to the grocery store today. We don't need to buy much. We could easily carry what we need back home.

Bad Day Turn Around

I traveled to the city yesterday. Those are days I almost dread because I know I never eat as good as should.
We left early to get to the baby's doctor appointment. Side note: he had surgery a couple of weeks ago; he wasn't healing right and it had to be corrected; now he's doing well, but his doctor wanted to see him just to make sure. Good news; he's still looking good. Poor thing got his flu shot yesterday though.
After the appointment, my mother and I took the boys shopping. I found an awesome pair of winter boots. Needed them since my old boots fell apart last year. The soles fell right off! That's what I get for buying super cheap boots. I didn't spend an arm and a leg yesterday, but they cost more than $13 like my last pair did.
I found a great pair of dress pants too. Perfect for the holiday season coming up. They're black with grey and purple plaid running lightly through them. Perfect to pair up with my white sweater or a white dressy tank and light black cardigan. Perfect to wear to my inlaw's party.
Well, perfect if they still fit by then. I'm thinking they will, but secretly hope they won't and I'll need to go out and find another perfect pair of pants.
I need jeans badly, but didn't find any I liked enough to buy. They need to be super cheap, but still look nice. I don't want to spend too much for something I don't plan on having in my closet for long.
For lunch, we stopped at Wendy's. Normally I would get a small chilli and a baked potato. I didn't yesterday. I got a spicy chicken and a baked potato instead. And I enjoyed! Still no pop though. I had water instead.
We were home by dinner. Since I didn't pull anything out the night before, I made veggie omelettes for everyone. Then we had dessert. Something we normally don't have, but my mom dragged me into an European bakery while we were in the city. She treated the boys to halloween cookies and bought a piece of cake for Hubby and I to share. It was so good!
Then, since we had it in the house and enjoy it, Hubby and I had a glass of wine once the boys were down for the night. It was nice to sip at as I finished up Monkey's halloween costume (he's going to be train tracks) and put together 20 little treat bags for his halloween party at school today. Gummies and little rubber rats. Monkey is so excited to hand them out to his little classmates.
Today, I am focusing on getting back OP.
I have a good start so far. After getting Monkey onto the bus this morning, Muffin and I went for a walk. I pushed that stroller as fast as I could for 6km. Now we're working on warming up and getting ready for lunch. After lunch, when Muffin goes down for his nap, I will do my cardio workout. I'm aiming for 45 minutes today. Maybe I'll push myself for a full hour.

Relationship With Food

My relationship with food isn't a good one.
Truth be told, it never has been.
Even when I was a skinny, little thing.

I'm not even sure where my poor relation started.

My parents were both in the military. They brought the treats into the house and ate whatever they wanted because they could. They both worked out. They both ran. And, on top of it, my mom is one of those people who can eat whatever she wants and not gain from it. If she wants to eat 10 chocolate bars in a row, washing them down with a bag of gummies, she can. Is it health? No. But she can. And she has.

Growing up, the treats were there. The tempation was there. I knew my parents worked out to keep fit. I understood by my teen years what calories were and how to read a food label.

I was lazy. I would wake up at 6am on the weekend, sneak half a pack of cookies in my room and read and snack until lunchtime. I didn't work out. I didn't run, jump, walk and play hard. I hated sports. I would much rather cruise the mall and a slow pace, gossiping with my friends.

As a teen, I was smaller than I am now. I knew if I wanted a chocolate bar, there was a price to pay. Only I wasn't smart about it. Instead of treating myself once and a while, or trying to burn those calories off, I skipped meals.

Fast forward to college.
I was on a tight budget. I didn't know how to cook much other than minute rice, spaghetti, KD and toast. I bought very little food in order to spend more on clothes and booze. Instead of gaining the freshman 15, I lost 20.

Fast forward a few more years. I found myself in a very unhappy, unhealthy relationship. The man sucked all the life out of me. I turned to food for comfort. I spent 6 years pretending to be happy because I thought I was supposed to. I gained weight rapidly.

Once I was free from that relationshop; I had to work hard to find myself. Along the way, I found Hubby. He's changed my life for the better. He taught me how to love myself. He taught me what a good relationship is all about. He loves me for me. And he taught me how to cook.
Little side story: When Hubby and I were only a couple of weeks into being a couple, I wanted to cook him dinner. I had to call my mom to ask her how. She walked me through making rice with veggies, chicken (fresh, not that frozen junk in a box I was used to cooking with) and steamed veggies on the side. It's not rocket science, but I could not do it alone. And I was 24 years old!

I've had many more up and downs (mostly downs) with food. I've tried losing weight on my own before. I lose track of myself and everything else when I'm consumed by trying to count calories. I'm not sure how counting points seems to be easier for me, but it is.

My relationship with food isn't close to being good yet. I will still long to pick the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie over an apple. I will still long for 5 cookies instead of just one. I will still stare longingly at the chocolate bars at the check out. But I am learning to love fresh fruits. I am learning how to have my chocolate and lose weight too.

It's about time I learn how to have a good relationship with food.
Food is fuel. Food is what helps keep me alive.
Food is not a friend. Food cannot comfort.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Coffee and an apple (3pts)
Lunch: Soup (5 points)
Dinner: Steak with a mushroom red wine sauce (ww recipe), couscous with sauted red peppers and garlic; a couple of glasses of wine (20pts! But so worth it)
Snacks: Low fat cheese and a handful of goldfish crackers (6pts)
Pop: NONE!!! Yay for me! There's a bottle of President's Choice pop downstairs and I haven't brought it up yet. Hubby has joined me on my lack of pop. At home, anyways. I know he's drinking pop at work. I bought him some a few weeks ago to have there.

Exercise: 2.2 mile walk; 35 minutes cardio; 20 minutes yoga (which only gets one activiy point! How much yoga does one have to do to get the points? I used to do yoga when I was pregnant. I think I prefer the results of cardio now)

Pretty Present

What's in the pretty wrapped box?

The start of a pretty bracelet!

I have been wanting to do this for myself for a while now. I bought myself a reward bracelet. For every 10 pounds I lose, I get a new bead/charm. I have four on there right now to mark losing 40 pounds. There's a 5th bead still in the box. I have 8 pounds to go before I hit 50 pounds. Hubby will give me that 5th bead then.

I'm thinking I'm going to make fitness goals for myself too. When I hit a fitness goal, I can have a new bead too.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Just coffee (3pts)
Lunch: Black bean quesadilla (9pts)
Dinner: Turkey stuffed peppers; mixed green salad with olive oil dressing (8pts)
Snack: granola bar and yogurt (6pts)
Pop: None! Three days in a row.

Exercise: 5km walk

Happy Embarassment

In the course of a week, my pants have fallen off twice. And my underwear has fallen down four times.
Talk about embarassing!
But happy that I need a smaller size in both underwear and jeans.
Guess I'm doing something right with this weight loss thing.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Oatmeal and coffee (5pts)
Lunch: Chicken, cucumber and feta pita (6pts)
Dinner: Stewed beef over spaetzle (12pts)
Snack: Mini halloween chocolate bars (5pts) <--- See? I got in some chocolate and it totally fit in with my plan for the day.
Pop: None

Exercise: 2.4 mile walk; 35 minutes of cardio

Plus Size?

I read a blog earlier that commented that size 12 was plus size.
Are you freaking kidding me?
I looked it up and the average dress size for women in North America is size 14.
I'm not saying that size 14 is perfect. I believe the perfect size for anyone is the size they are when they are healthy.
My little sister was really sick a couple of years ago. She was sick for over a year before she finally had surgery to fix her problem. She went from a healthy, fit, wearing a size 5 to the point that size 0 was too big for her. She was a walking skeleton. She had no fat on her; and no muscle tone. Two months after her surgery, I had Muffin. She couldn't hold his little 7 pound self for more than 5 minutes without her arms starting to shake. She was so unhealthy.
How many women out there do that same thing to theirselves willingly? I could easily bet thousands.

This is a size 12 model. 

This is a size 0 model.

Which one looks unhealthy to you?

My sister is back on track, over a year after surgery. She's still really thin, but she's gained enough that she doesn't look sickly anymore. Her boyfriend is a big health nut. He loves working out and eating well. He has a major sweet tooth, but he hits the gym a lot. I'm sure he'll take care of her.
When I started my weight loss journey, I was a size 18. Or at least, I told myself I was a size 18. Looking back, my pants were very tight. I mentally refused to let myself wear anything larger. I refused to believe that 18 was plus size. In my head, plus size was 20. A size not found in most stores. I wouldn't step foot into a plus size store. That would be admitting I was plus size; although I was.
I can admit it now. Now that those size 18 pants I was wearing are now too big. Now that the size 16 pants I am wearing are too big. Now that my size 14 pants from 5 years ago fit again.
I don't know what my "perfect" dress size will be. I don't even really know what number on the scale is right for me. Yes, I'm shooting to be 48 pounds lighter than I am right now, but I don't know if that's the right number for me. I had to set a goal, so I did. I went off of what the BMI scale said is healthy for me.
I just want to be healthy. If I can get myself fit too, that's awesome. That's what I'm working towards. Healthy and fit.
And if I can look and feel great in a sexy little black dress, that's an extra Hubby can enjoy as well.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Apple (0pts)
Lunch: Roast beef wrap with lots of fresh veggies and more veggies on the side (6pts)
Dinner:  Falafel burger in a pita with (too many yummy homemade) potato wedges (22pts!)
Snacks: none
Pop: one glass

Excerise: No full on workout, but I ran up and down both sets of stairs all day long doing laundry and stuff.

Meetings

Okay, quick question...What happened to Hungry? He used to be on the Weight Watchers commericals. I love seeing Jennifer Hudson because she's an inspiration, but I miss the cuteness of Hungry. I saw the dolls on Esty once. I should track them down again. Would love to have one. I could tell him "No" every time I want something bad for me and I'm low on points for the day. Ha! That would be fun.
Anyways, today I want to talk about something that helps to keep me motivated.
My Weight Watchers meetings.
When I first joined, that first meeting was horrible to go to. I felt like a failure going. Like admiting I had a problem and needed help was a bad thing. The ladies who work there welcomed me with open arms. They made me feel good about about there. After the meeting, I finally understood I was not alone. I went home on a natural high about the journey I was starting. Hubby was so supportive. He may not have joined, but he started eating like me and working out. We were both on our way to changing our lives.
I look forward to my weekly meeting. I go Monday evenings. At first I hated that they were on Monday. It meant if I let lose on the weekend, it showed at weigh-in on Monday. But now I'm happy it's on Monday. It helps keep me in check over the weekend.
I leave for my meetings early. The meeting doesn't start until 7pm. I'm there at 6 most days. I weigh in before there's a huge line. I get to talk to my leader before the crowd comes in. I get my pick of where to sit in the meeting room. And then I get almost an hour to myself. No hubby, no kids, no cat, no phone, no internet. Just me, myself and my book/magazine/notebook/whatever-it-is-I-brought-with-me. I love that little bit of me time.
When my meeting is over, I'm full of fresh motivation and relaxed. I can track my busy week head on without a doubt.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (3pts)
Lunch: Black bean quesadilla with fat free sour cream (9pts)
Dinner: Pesto pasta - Weight Watchers recipe (8pts)
Snacks: Granola bar (3pts)

I noticed I still drink too much diet pop some days. There are days I don't touch it, but other's where I drink two or three cups worth. So I'm going to start tracking my diet pop intake.

Pop: 2 cups

Exercise: 35 minutes cardio; ran up and down the stairs for 20 minutes

***Little Extra***
I stepped on my scale this morning. It was calling my name. I'm still in my pjs (which are pretty lightweight), and haven't eaten or drank anything yet. The number on the scale was 4 pounds smaller than Monday night's weigh in. Why oh why can't weigh in be in the morning? I like that number so much more. I know I won't be 4 pounds lighter Monday night. The scale can go up and down every day; muliple times a day, if you're into tourturing yourself. I'll be happy with a 2 pound loss. Heck, I'll be happy with a one pound loss. A loss is a loss is a loss, right?
Still, it was nice seeing that -4 pounds this morning. Remembering that -4 might help me keep things in check while I'm at my mother's house today.

This Boy

I got to go to this cutie's classroom today for 30 minutes. I met his teacher who raved about him. He already knows his alphabet, he can count to 100 (and beyond), he can write his name and he knows his colours and shapes. All the things his teacher is teaching the junior kindergarten class. She's teaching the senior kindergarten students (it's a split class) sight words. To work together as a class, the teacher decided to teach the junior kindergarteners how to "read" a story looking at the pictures. My monkey got to get up and hold the book. He then read the book, word for word, to the class. Shocked his teacher.
Monkey loves to learn. Always has. He's been begging to go to school since he was two. When he turned three, we put him into a program called Best Start. It's a daycare for kids getting ready to start school. It gets them used to what school will be like. I was home; it was money we really could have used for other things; but he loved it so much. It was worth it. He went only two days a week. It takes place in his current school. So when he started jk this year, the only thing he wasn't used to was taking the bus. I drove him to and from the school the year before.
I walked out of Monkey's classroom having a very proud Mommy Moment. I thought it was just my bais Mommy thinking he was a smartie, but I guess not. His teacher said he's one of the brightest in her whole class. And he's super polite too. Thank goodness! Feels like all he does is pick fights with his baby brother here at home.
Yes, I'm very proud of my darling big boy.
I am very glad I got this chance to go spy on his class and talk to his teacher.

Me?

Losing weight...What's in it for me?
There are millions of people who are in the same boat as I am right now. They need to lose weight. There are some who pretend they don't care. There are some who are in denial. Me? No, I'm not fat. That used to be me. I honestly didn't see the fat person who was staring at me from the other side of the mirror. And then there are those who decide to do something about it and take control back over their bodies. That is where I am.
But what changes one's mind?
For me, the want to change came with the pregnancy of my youngest.
Many years ago, I was slim. I didn't have a healthy relationship with food, but I wasn't fat. I ended up in a bad relationship. We started out happy, like most couples start out, but then the emotional abuse started. I was unhappy, pretending to be happy. I turned to food. I would spend an entire weekend laying on the couch eating packages of cookies, chips, processed food; downing it all with litres of pop. Looking back is almost painful. I knew what I was doing was bad, but I felt better drowning my sorrows in junk food.
My weight, of course, jumped up.
I got out of that relationship and realized I needed to shed some weight. I tried straving myself. I was not in the right state of mind to lose weight. I wanted a quick, cheap fix. I wasn't willing to work on it.
Then I might Hubby. He loved me just the way I was.
We slowly became foodie wannabe's together. I learnt how to cook real food. And I enjoyed it!
Then we became parents to be together.
I treated my first pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I craved processed cheese (ick!), pickles and mayo. Not always together. I would go to Subway and order a veggie sub and just put tons of pickles, mayo and a little bit of lettuce. I would go to McDonald's and order 3 cheeseburgers with extra cheese and nothing else on them.
You can see where I'm going with this, right?
I gained 70 pounds with that pregnancy.
It was not a good pregnancy; I turned to food when I wasn't feeling well.
40 pounds melted off quickly, but I held onto 30.
I knew, deep down, that I needed to lose weight. I guess I wasn't mentally ready.
Fast forward almost three years later, my baby was on the edge of turning three and I was holding a positive pregnancy test.
Those 70 pounds from my first was haunting me. I was terrified of gaining that much weight again.
I turned to Hubby to talk about my fears. He gave me the slap in the face I needed, figuratively speaking. He pointed out that I gained the weight. No one made me. I did it. That's when I told him I was joining Weight Watcher after the baby came out. I was sick and tired of being fat.
I watched my diet carefully with that pregnancy. It helped that I craved mushrooms and jelly beans. I craved the odd greasy cheeseburger, but refused to give in. I gained a total of 15 pounds; still giving birth to a 7 pound, 11 ounce baby. I lost the baby weight and was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes in 14 days. And I hated my clothes. I knew I lost my second round of baby weight, but that first round of baby weight haunted me. That bad relationship weight haunted me. I wanted it gone.
I waited three months before getting up the nerves to walk into my first Weight Watchers meeting. And I am so glad I did.
I did lose sight of the big picture over the summer. Or rather, I just got lazy. Summer was hot and I was busy. I stopped exercising, I stopped counting points; But I don't think I stopped caring. I didn't gain weight. I still wish I hadn't stopped the program for the summer. It's a life style change, not school where you get the summer off.
So now I'm back to losing weight and changing my life for the better.
Once again...Why?
Because I want to be around for my boys now and in the future.
When I first decided to lose weight for good, I thought about how I was slowly killing myself. How could I call myself a good mother if I was on the fast track to give myself heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes? How could I run after two kids when I had trouble running after one?
I knew I had to lose the weight for myself, but my boys are my motivation.
They still are.

And now it's time for...

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Special K (3pts)
Lunch: Tomato soup with rice (8pts)
Dinner: Lamb burgers with a sprinkle of feta (10pts) -- So filling Hubby and I both just had the burger and a few cucumber slices
Snacks: Cheese and goldfish crackers, bear paw snack pack (8pts)

Exercise: Nada. But I did run up and down my stairs about 30 times in the afternoon. I cleaned. And I played with my boys. I didn't find the time to exercise, but I kept moving.

Post #2

Two posts in one day! I'm on a blogging roll. Too bad I'm the only one who really cares.
But this isn't about having hundreds of readers (although that would be cool); this is about me.

Today I made lamb burgers for dinner. I have only had a taste of lamb once before. It was many, many moons ago. When I was 19, my then boyfriend took me to Niagara Falls for New Year's. We had dinner at the Skylon Tower. He had the rack of lamb, I tasted one bite. I don't remember what it tasted like; I just remember I liked it. I did not like the mint though. Mint, to me, is for gum, ice cream and tea.
I have the Weight Watchers New Complete Cookbook. I bought it for myself last year after Christmas. I love this cookbook! I haven't found a recipe in it that I haven't liked so far.

The lamb burgers are in this book.

I found ground lamb on sale at my local grocery store a few weeks ago. $2.91 for a pound? Sold! I bought two packs. I fell upon the recipe last week when I was flipping though my cookbooks looking for inspiration for my meal plan.

Ground lamb, cilantro, green onion, one egg white, salt and pepper was all it took. Pan fried them, but I think I'll BBQ them next time. Put it in a pita and put on toppings. The recipe calls for tomatoes, lettuce, mint and plain yogurt for the toppings. I did tomatoes, feta and sour cream. Why? It was what I had on hand.

And they were fabulous! Even the kiddos liked them. I may have hinted it was beef to Monkey, but he ate it and he liked it! Muffin was all about the cucumbers I gave him and the pita. He tried feta and loved it. He's very picky about meat. This kid won't eat a chicken nugget! What kid doesn't like chicken nuggets? Apparently, mine. Although he could eat his weight in hot dogs.

Anyways, let's look at yesterday now

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Apple (0pts)

Lunch: Soup (6pts)

Dinner: Chicken, mexican rice, steamed cauliflower, cheddar cheese (8pts)

Snacks: None

Exercise: 35 minutes cardio

Dr Oz's Ten Commandments

I read this on someone else's blog and thought it was great. So now I'm sharing here.

Dr Oz's Ten Commandments of Weight Loss

1. Thou Shalt Not Wear Pants that Stretch
Your clothing is an early-warning system for weight gain. When it's getting hard to snap your jeans, you know it's time to be vigilant. Wearing stretchy clothes allows you to live in ignorance of how your body is growing, making it easier to pack on pounds without knowing it.

2. Thou Shalt Not Keep Fat Clothes in Your Closet
When you keep the clothes you wore at an unhealthy weight, it gives you a back-up plan if the pounds don't come off. Instead, force yourself to stay on track by 86ing your "fat pants."

3. Thou Shalt Not Eat Meat That Walks on Four Legs More Than Once a Week
Meat that comes from an animal with 4 legs is higher in saturated fat (the unhealthy kind) than that which comes from 2-legged animals such as chickens, or animals with no legs, like fish. Plus: women who eat large amounts of red meat more than once a week have a 50% higher chance of dying from heart disease and have higher cancer rates.

4. Thou Shalt Not Graze
Plan your meal before you open the refrigerator, get what you need, and close the door. Opening it throughout the day leads to impulsive choices and overeating.

5. Thou Shalt Not Eat After 7:30pm
When you eat late at night you are more likely to be eating in front of the TV (when you won't pay attention to how much you're putting in your mouth) and you're more likely to pick high-calorie snacks. (we can tweak this one a bit...eat when your hungry...but plan for it!)

6. Thou Shalt Not Pile Food More than 1 Inch High or Within 2 Inches of the Plate Edge
Larger portions equal more calories. 'Nuff said.

 7. Thou Shalt Not Chew Food Less than 20 Times Per Bite
Chewing allows your body to realize that you are eating food, prompting it to create a sensation of fullness at the appropriate time. When you don't chew enough, you get ahead of that process, eating well past when you are actually satisfied.

8. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Plate
Spend your day nibbling bites on someone else's sandwich or afternoon snack, and you will add on 1,000 calories easy.

9. Thou Shalt Not Carry Small Bills
Nothing loves a small bill better than a vending machine. When you have them at the ready, you are one step closer to an impulsive, calorie-loaded afternoon slip up. (or I guess in our case here in Canada, don't carry twoonies and loonies)

10. Thou Shalt Not Eat While Standing Up
Eating sitting down enables you to be aware of what you're eating and eat it slowly so that your body can tell you your full before it's too late.

Thank you, Dr Oz.

Pizza

Yesterday's hospital visit was a heck of a lot better than last time. Muffin is on the right track this time. His doctor says he's looking good and doesn't have to go back in for another follow up appointment until January. Yay!
I did learn that there is a chance he'll have to go through another surgery when he's older. The doctor guessed somewhere around the teen years. But it's just a chance. Doesn't mean it will happen.

Yesterday was a total write off for healthy eating. I stayed within my WW daily points, but I didn't really try to. It just happened that way. But I said my mother likes to push me towards unhealthy foods. She's super skinny, always has been. The lowest weight I have ever known my mother to be was 101 pounds at 5'6". Since her back injury (which got her discarded from the military when I was 16) and her battles with cancer, she is now the heaviest I have ever seen her at 117. She can eat whatever she wants. Always has been able to. Me, not so much.
So, yesterday while we were taking a shopping break in Kitchener, mom decided to bring pizza home for my dad. It was his birthday. Pizza Hut is his absolute favourite resturant. Mom bought a pizza for him and wanted to get one for Hubby and I too.
I debated and finally decided what the heck; why not. It's been forever since I had pizza I didn't make myself. I picked out the Grilled Chicken Arrabiatta. Check it out...

I geared myself up to spend 10 points per slice. It ended up being only 6 points! And it was really, really good. The marinated tomato slices were my favourite part. I think I could eat a bucket of them. I order mine without the onions, but that's a person preference thing.

Yesterday's Over View

Breakfast: 2 slices of toast with a touch of honey (6pts)
Lunch: 2/3 banana (0 pts) -- I didn't like anything the hospital had, so I ate the banana Muffin decided he didn't want. Not the best choice, but at least it wasn't something high in points.
Dinner: Pizza (18pts)
Snacks: 2 coffees from two different places (5pts)

Exercise: No workouts since I was in a car or in the hospital for most of the day, but I still got over 10,000 steps on my pedometer. Yay! Chasing kids around helps a ton.

I'm almost looking forward to my cardio workout today. Oh my...Did I just say, er, type that?

Foods and Other Rambles

Another long day a head of me. We're off to McMaster Children's Hospital for Muffin's followup to last week's appointment.
My mother has volunteered to go down to Hamilton with me and the kids. She's such a help! I can leave Monkey in the waiting room with her, to play with the toys while Muffin and I see the doctor. She came along with me last week too. The doctor was so relieved to see I had a ride and wasn't the one driving. He was worried about me more than Muffin when I almost went down. Guess I was still pretty pale leaving the room with him.
Whenever a day of travel comes up, I worry about lack of excerise and food choices. I don't worry too much when I'm with Hubby. I know he'll keep me on the right path; as well as we can. And I keep him on his path. "Do you think the Baconator is a good idea?" A question I think I've asked more than twice. I'm all up for bacon. I love the stuff. I always say I could live comfortabilly as a vegetarian if I didn't have to give up bacon or cheeseburgers. A good bacon cheeseburger is a guilty pleasure of mine. Now I know I can have my bacon cheeseburger. Just once a month (if that) is more than plenty.
Now, traveling with my mom and the kids is a different story. Mom is always pushing me towards non healthy foods. Or if I find something healthy to eat, she tells me she's proud of me and then either pushes her leftovers or the kids leftovers on me. Or suggests dessert; something she hardly ever has. When I was growing up, dessert was a once in a blue moon treat. Mom and Dad viewed dessert as a reward for eatting your dinner. They didn't believe in giving out rewards for things we were just supposed to do.
I guess Hubby and I share the same vision as far as desserts go. We never have them. Unless his other two kids are here. Then I bake up a storm. Cupcakes, cakes, pies, treats, treats, treats. The other two are used to processed crap food. Their mother doesn't really cook. Mac and cheese from a box, frozen processed meats, hot dogs, grilled cheese and lots of frozen french fries. They're super picky and if it doesn't come from the frozen food area or in a box, they won't eat it. Hubby and I are very different. We make most of our food from scratch. Homemade chicken nuggets, hot dogs only at lunch time (and for the kids. I don't like hot dogs and they're high in points anyway). The two older kids don't like eating at our house because we make them try new things. So I bake and have dessert siting on the counter, staring at them, daring them to eat their dinner so they can have a piece of that homemade peanut butter cup tart, or whatever it might be.
I didn't offer any desserts this summer when they were here. I think they missed them. But we took them to Disney World where they ate their weight in ice cream every day.
If you ever take your kids to Disney World, most of the buffets offer mac and cheese (our kids said it was the best they have ever had. They had some every day I think) and build your own sundae bars. Our kids were in Heaven.
So today I will walk as much as possible and hope to find some healthy food to eat for lunch.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: Muffin (5pts)
Lunch: Soup and french bread (7pts)
Dinner: Sausage, mash potatoes, yucky peas (9 pts) (and in case you're wondering, I hate peas!)
Snacks: French bread with butter (4pts)

Excerise: 2.5 mile walk; 45 minutes Cardio

And lastly...Did you notice? Did you? The tracker up top? 48 pounds to go until goal!

Ick!

I won't deny it.
Not at all.
I'll scream it from the roof, if you want me to.
I hate exercise.
Why?
I'm willing to bet it's because I'm lazy and flabby.
But I am doing it.
I force myself.
Why?
Because I know it'll get me to my goal of a healthy weight.
And I want to be more fit. Changing my diet alone isn't going to help me get fit.

When I first decided it was time to lose the extra mushiness around my middle (and hips, and bottom, and thighs, etc), I changed the way I ate first. And the pounds came off. Then it became harder to lose the weight. What did I do about it? I complained. Yep, I did. Real mature, eh?
When I started my weight loss, so did Hubby. He gained weight right along side of me through my pregnancies. Together, as a couple, we started cooking, trying new foods and became total foodie wannabes. Our four year old knows all the chefs on Food Network.
So Hubby started eating like me. I know he cheats at work though. He eats out every Friday. Dips into the box on donut day. And drinks a lot of coffee and pop while he's there. And then he comes home and works out. He's down over 30 pounds since he started out. He's looking good. He has about 10 more pounds he wants to lose. So now he's doing a mix of cardio, strenght and weight training.
I have always been attracted to him, since before we were an item and just friends. Now he's getting a smoking hot body for me to enjoy.
He's one of my inspirations. He's one of the people who made me realize complaining about not losing weight wasn't going to help. Every time I drag my feet to getting to my workout, I think of him. He's getting all hot for me; I want to be hot for him. Vain? Yes. But it's helping me.

Not much to report for the weekend as far as food and exercise go. I walked as much as possible and ate well. I enjoyed some wine one night and a small glass of beer last night, but stayed completely within my points. I'm looking forward to a good weigh in tonight. I think I'll be making some changes on my ticker up top!

Not Over Yet

Yesterday should have been the last hospital visit for Muffin. We were supposed to go in, have his catheter removed and and have the doctor say he looks good. Then we were supposed to go home and hope we never have to go back for another surgery. I was supposed to have my happy baby back and good and healthy.
Supposed to.
Instead the doctor said he was healing wrong. Skin was forming to the wrong area. The doctor went into full surgeon mode to correct it right then and there. Muffin screamed like someone was killing him, there was blood everywhere, and all though I did my best to try to comfort Muffin and help the doctor, I nearly went down.
At first my stomach felt queasy. I made a mental note to grab some food as soon as we were done. I figured I didn't eat enough before hand. I started sweating. I mentally scolded myself for not taking off my coat and getting overheated. Next I was dizzy. Once again, I figured I was just hungry. Next thing I know, everyone sounded like they were miles away instead of right next to me. The doctor looked up and shouted at me to sit down. I think I sat just in time.
I was embarassed. I'm still embarassed.
I don't know what made me feel so faint. The blood; watching the doctor work; my baby screaming; a combo of any or all of that. I don't know.
I focused on my breathing for a couple of minutes and then jumped back into helping the doctor. He was worried about me, but I was too worried about my baby to care.
I have to take Muffin back in on Tuesday for a follow up appointment. If he's doing better then, we go back in December for another follow up. If he's not doing better...I don't know what happens next.

Yesterday's Overview

Breakfast: 2 cups coffee and yogurt (4 pts)
Lunch: Apple squash soup (4pts)
Dinner: Wendy's chicken burger, half a small Wendy's fries (16pts)
Snacks: Fat-free vanilla latte (5pts)

Liquid Intake

Mmmm....Coffee....
I love me some good coffee.
I wasn't always a coffee drinker. I didn't start drinking it until after Monkey was born. I had the odd sugar filled, full fat latte at Starbucks. Or an Iced Cap from Tim Horton's. Other than that, I thought coffee was gross. My ex finance and I didn't even have a coffee maker. Our parents had to swing by Tim Horton's before coming over for a visit because they knew all we had was water and Coke.
Somewhere, after a late night of teething I'm sure, I tried coffee. Still gross. So I added a lot of sugar and a lot of cream. Better. Then I tried flavoured Coffee Mate. I was in Heaven!
For almost four years now, I've been drinking coffee. I've got myself down to less sugar and Coffee Mate (or milk if I'm out and about; although I don't like it as much). I start my mornings out with one or two mugs of the wonderful stuff. Sometimes hubby and I enjoy a coffee with a splash of Bailey's in it after dinner.
Since being on Weight Watchers, I've cut down on the high point coffees. I went the summer without having a single Iced Cap. See? I didn't count points all summer long because I totally lost my motive and yet, I still watched what I was eating and drinking without realizing it.
I did have the odd treat of iced coffee (made with milk instead of cream. Better for you and, in my opinion, it tastes better). My trips to Starbucks has come down a lot too. Easy since I don\t have a Starbucks in my town. I have to go into the city for one. Who's going to drive 45 minutes one way just for coffee? I head down to the city maybe once every two months or so. Shopping, doctor's appointments, etc. I let myself get a Starbucks every second trip or so. Sometimes not even that much if I'm heading down there more than usual. And when I do treat myself, it's a non-fat, no whip version of my favourite drinks. Good thing I prefer no whip, or I might feel like I'm losing out on something. I really don't like whipped cream on any drink. But I'm the weirdo who doesn't even like marshmellows in my hot chocolate.
As much as I love my mug of coffee. I can easily go without it. I'm not one of those people who claim they need their morning coffee. I don't need it. I just enjoy it. And since it costs me less points than a chocolate bar and gives me the same satisfaction, I like to have my mug of coffee so I don't eat the box of Smarties I have hidden away for Monkey.

I've written a lot about coffee. But what about other drinks? If you're familiar with Weight Watchers, then you know that any drink counts for your water intake. I don't like that. I like water. I don't like losing points to drinks. I give up some already for my coffee; I don't want to lose more. I was never a big juice drinker. I hate orange juice. Wha? Wait! -- No whip cream on drinks, no marshmellows in hot chocolate and hating orange juice! -- Told ya I was weird. I did find Diet Blueberry Cocktail that I like once and a while. It's only 10 calories per serving. I think I've bought it twice.
I like a few Crystal Light flavours. I think I pour one into my bottle of water at least 3-4 times a week.
I favour water. Plain, old water. I always have. Another weird quirk, I prefer my water out of a bottle, but I will drink tap water. Our's tastes fine. So I buy bottled water, and reuse the bottles until they've been completely trashed. My boys are picking up on it too. We have bottles with everyone's names on them so we know who's is who's. We've been working on the same pack of 24 bottles since September. There's still five unopened bottles.
I do love diet pop. Pop is my downfall. I've been drinking diet for years. There is a taste difference. I prefer the diet. Hubby loves pop more than I do. We were drinking up to one 2L of pop a day! Yikes! We're down to one bottle a week. I made a silly little rule for myself. I had to get in my water (8 bottles) before I allowed myself to drink one cup of my fizzy delight. After months of doing this, I noticed on nights I drank the pop, I would go to bed and wake up feeling bloated.
For the past week, if I want pop, I have it in the early afternoon. I'm still getting in my water. And I haven't felt bloated.
Now a good person would give up the pop completely. I can't. It's my little thing. I've given up a lot of my loves just because I know I can't stop once I start. So I'm not giving up my pop.

Let's look at how I did yesterday.

Day's Overview

Breakfast: Nothing (Bad! I know, but my stomach was really upset in the morning)
Lunch: Hard boiled egg, english muffin, 1 oz low fat cheese, dijion mustard, mixed greens salad with olive oil dressing (8pts)
Dinner: Chili over a baked potato - recipe here (9pts)
Snacks: Apple, chips and my mom's homemade salsa (9pts)

Exercise: 4.4kms walk; 25 minutes cardio

Now go have a glass (or bottle) of water and have a great day!

Surprise Guests

My parents surprised us with a little visit last night. Of course, they choose to come over the day I was too lazy to wash the breakfast and lunch dishes. My kitchen was a mess! But since they went to my sister's house for Thanksgiving, it was nice to see them. The boys were so excited to see their beloved grandparents. And over the moon to see their cool motorcycle. Getting in a last ride before it goes into storage for the winter.
I had plenty of food; I asked my parents to stay for dinner. Garlic lemon tuna burgers. They were tasty; I would do them again. I used my parents to unload some pumpkin brownies leftover from our Thanksgiving. If they eat them, I won't. Muffin went inbetween grandparent begging for bites of the yummy brownie. He's such a chocolate lover already.
I didn't get in any cardio yesterday. My back was still hurting too much. I don't want to risk hurting myself more. I did take the boys out for a bit of a walk.

Day Overview

Breakfast: 1 1/2 mugs of coffee (3pts) - not healthy, but I didn't feel like eating this morning
Lunch: Ginger apple squash soup (4pts)
Dinner: Garlic lemon tuna burger with a salad and olive oil dressing (9pts)
Snacks: Apple, pumpkin brownie, another coffee (6pts)

Exercise: 4.4km walk

Today, I might give some Zen Yoga a try to work out my sore muscle.

Hmmm....

So yesterday is weigh-in day for me. I feared stepping on that scale. Although I was very good for Thanksgiving, I was still way too nervous.
So I stepped on the scale today.
No change.
Hmm...What did I do wrong? I exercised. I ate well. And nothing. Hmm...Will have to look over everything to see what happened and how I can change it.
Can I blame yesterday?
Yesterday was a total bust. I ate well, but I got no exercise in. I wore my pedometer, like always. I walked a total of 2869 steps, 1.26 miles. How sad is that? My back was hurting; I decided to take it easy to heal up. And I learnt that I can no longer be a couch potato. I was bored out of my mind! I remember lazy three day weekends of my past where I would lay on the couch almost all day, every day, eating. No wonder my weight got so high!
Today, I just couldn't sit still any longer. I bundled the kids (mine and the one I take care of during the day) up and went out for a walk. We walked 2.4 miles. I like aiming for a min of 3 miles. My back  was killing me by the end of our walk today. I popped a couple of Tylenol Back Pain pills and am relaxing with Monkey while the littles nap.

Let's look at yesterday's food.

Day's Over View
Breakfast: One slice rye bread, 1tsp cinnamon spread and 1 1/2 mugs of coffee (6pts)
Lunch: Leftover mashed sweet potatoes and chicken (5pts)
Dinner: Hard boiled eggs, breakfast potatoes, breakfast sausages, back bacon, coffee (16 pts!)
Snack: pumpkin brownie, apple, banana (3pts)

Dinner was high in points, but I planned it out ahead of time. I knew how much I was going to eat and knew how many points I was going to have. I ended the day with 2 points to spare.

No exercise to record today.

Thanksgiving and Back

I think I pulled a muscle in my back. It's extremely painful at the moment. I can't help but cry out when I hiccup or cough. My back goes into spasms. It was hard to sleep last night due to the pain. The worse part of it is I have no idea how I hurt myself!
I still managed to get in a 5K walk yesterday dispite my injuried back. I really pushed myself through the pain. I know it's not a good thing to do, but I did it anyways. Hubby's not letting me go for my walk today. He insisted I stay home and relax a little.
So I made ginger apple squash soup. It's a Weight Watchers recipe. Really good and only 4 points per cup! I had my spoon taste test and now the rest of it is cooling down to be put in the fridge. That soup is my lunch for the next week.
I really love making a soup on Sunday (or Monday in today's case since it's a long weekend here in Canada) to have as my lunch for the week. Hubby sometimes gets into my lunch soup too. I didn't really like having soup during the hotter months, but I love it for Fall and Winter.

As I said just above, it's a long weekend here in Canada. We're celebrating Thanksgiving yesterday. Since it was only us four this year, I got a small chicken. We cooked it out on the BBQ. I made mashed sweet potatoes, roasted carrots, steamed cauliflower, stuffing and chicken gravey. It was good. My oldest, Monkey, is super picky. He had rice, chicken and cucumber. For dessert I made pumpkin brownies. It was a Weight Watchers friendly meal. I even had the points for a glass and a half of wine.

Today is normally weigh-in day for me. Due to Thanksgiving, I don't have weigh-in until next Monday. I'm too nervous to weigh myself here at home. It's advised to only weigh one's self once a week. I like to weigh myself once a day. I know my weight can go up and down. That doesn't bother me. I just like to know where I stand. I've been too nervous to step on it today. Maybe tomorrow I will.

Hospital Day

It's might be possible that this guy is the cutest man to ever wear a hospital gown.

Or maybe that's just my humble Mommy opinion.

Yesterday, I was a bundle of nerves. The day we knew has been coming for 13 months, since he was born, had finally arrived. My little Muffin was born with a little birth defect. Nothing major. It didn't effect him in any way. Still his team of doctors agreed it had to be fixed before it became a problem in the future. He was put on a long waiting list when he was four months old.

I ended up doing more walking yesterday than I thought I was going to. I still managed to get in over 9,000 steps. I guess I paced a lot since I spent 4 hours in the van driving to and from the hospital. I also made sure to take the stairs whenever I could.

Yesterday was a wash for healthy eating too. Since Muffin wasn't allowed to eat past 7am, Hubby and I didn't either. Half a toast was all I managed to get down since we were pretty busy. The hospital had horrible looking salads. Really, who wants to eat brown edge lettuce? The soup didn't look appealing either. So a cheeseburger it was. I was too busy thinking of my tiny man to enjoy my lunch anyway. We didn't get home until close to 10pm; so a handful of crackers were dinner.

Today I'm making up for the unhealthy eating habits I had yesterday. I'm not upset about how I ate yesterday. Not every day can be perfect. I can accept that and move on.

Here's to today and a speedy recovery for my Muffin.

Nervous

I'll post now since I don't think I'll have the time tomorrow.
Tomorrow....
I'm a bundle of nerves about tomorrow; trying not to turn to food for comfort.
Tomorrow my little, tiny Muffin goes in for surgery. It's nothing major. It's just day surgery. Still...Show me a momma who's not nervous when her baby is going under the knife. To make things worse, the hospital changed his surgery time from 8am to 1pm. He can't have anything to eat or milk/formula after 7am; and he can't have water or apple juice after 9am. He's going to be a grumpy little guy come surgery time.
I have no idea what I'm going to do for food myself. I won't eat in front of him. When he stops eating at 7am, so will I. I'm not too sure what the hospital will have as far as healthy food choices go. And I mean honestly healthy food; not food that one would think is healthy and it turns out to have more calories than a huge, greasy cheeseburger. I remember when I used to go to Wendy's and order a salad, thinking I was making a good choice. Yeah, not so much. They're yummy, but you're better off ordering a small chili and a baked potato with sour cream (use only half the container for less calories).
Maybe I'll pack something to take to the hospital. Then I know what I'm eating.
I've been debating whether or not to wake up early tomorrow to fit in a workout. I'm still up in the air about it.
Here's today..

Day's Over Run

Breakfast: 2 pieces of rye toast with cinnamon spread; 1 mug of coffee (6pt)
Lunch: Soup (4pts)
Dinner: Oven chicken burrito with a mixed green salad and olive oil dressing (7pts)
Snacks: Chocolate (okay, okay, I turned to food for comfort, but I'm still within my points for the day); apple; banana (9pts)

Workout: 4mile walk; 40 minutes cardio; 20 minutes zen yoga

Rest Day

Yesterday was my workout rest day. I was so sore from Monday's workout, I was glad. But I didn't stop moving. I bundled up the kids and when out for a 5K walk. It felt great! I love fall days. The trails were beautiful; full of colours and busy animals getting ready for the winter months ahead. The temp was the perfect degree of cool. We weren't cold, but we weren't overheated either. It was, in my humble opinion, the perfect day for a walk.
I live in a small town. Our trail is the old railway; tracks removed. My oldest, Monkey, loves crossing over the old train bridge on the trail. I secretly love it too. We live almost right beside part of the trail. If we go one way, we pop out beside Monkey's school. If we go the other way...Well, I'm not too sure how far out it goes. I've never gone all the way to the end.
On top of my walk, I danced with my youngest, Muffin, and I stretched whenever I could. The more I moved, the less I felt the burn in my bottom from the workout on Monday. I know it's a good pain, but I don't enjoy it at all.
I stayed well within my WW points for the day. I don't have much of a problem there unless I'm visiting my mother. She loves to have treats all over the place and opens a bottle of wine as soon as I walk through the down. I do my best, but I am only human; I slip up sometimes.

Day Over Run

Breakfast: 2 mugs of coffee and an apple (3pts)
Lunch: Black bean and salsa quesadilla ; 1 serving of crispy minis (7pts)
Dinner: Mushroom and Spinach calzone, WW recipe (7pts)
Snacks: Goldfish crackers; netarine; apple (2pts)
Treat: Beer with dinner (5pts)

Workout: 5K walk

Yesterday was a good day. Here's to today!

Accountability

Way back in December of 2010, I marched myself to my local Weight Watchers and signed up. I lost almost 40 pounds between then and June 2011. I was proud of myself, but not at goal weight. I still had about 50 more pounds to go.
Yes, you read that correctly. I wanted to lose 90 pounds.
Summer came...and well...I was lazy, er...Lost motivation. That sounds better. Ha!
So, I spent the summer trying to beat the heat and enjoying my BBQ. Hubby and I took our kids to Disney World where we ate whatever we wanted. That included daily doughy bread pretzels for breakfast and Micky Ear ice cream for our daily afternoon snack. The buffets were amazing! Yes, I enjoyed. I came back home right before school started for my oldest, age four, feeling guilty. I enjoyed myself, but at what cost.
I went back to my Weight Watchers meeting.
I feel good about my choice to go back, to get back into the swing of things. It was also nice to see I dropped a pound even though I took the summer off. I walked in there expecting a 10 pound gain. I left thinking - Wow! Once I get to goal, I'm sure I can keep it off. I did for almost three months this summer. It was almost motivational.
That being said, I feel like I need more accountability. It's too easy to use my weekly points to cheat. A chocolate bar and a small bag of chips easily fits into my weekly points. I can sneak them when my oldest is at school and hubby is at work. The baby is with me, but he can only say about 10 words. None of them being "she ate crap food when no one but me was looking and all I got was a handful of goldfish crackers." Well, he does say "fishies" for goldfish crackers. Not the point.
I need a place I can be honest and here it is.

So 50 pounds is the goal of the moment.
How am I going to get there?
I am going to weigh and measure my food.
I am going to plan meals and snacks.
I am going to go to my weekly (Monday night) WW meetings.
I am going to make sure I get in my exercise.
I am not going to make excuses.
I am not going to beat myself up over slip-ups and gains.
I am going to learn from my mistakes and change.

Losing weight is not about being on a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I'm tried of feeling sluggish and flubby. It's time to take control of my life so that I don't end up giving myself high blood pressure, diabetes, heart issues or anything like that. I want to stop turning to food for comfort so I can live a long life with my husband and children. I'm ready for this.